dork...

Yes, I'm sitting in Starbucks with my laptop sipping steamed horizon chocolate milk. I'm watching out the big windows as the light feathery snow falls down like a heavy mist. I feel kind of strange yet comfortable at the same time. I'm sitting on a leather sofa in a beautiful old building with tiled ceilings and wood floors. At first I liked the music, it was from the 50's I think, not sure. But now the music keeps jumping around from awful to barely bearable. There was something about this whole thing that seemed a bit silly to me, but Hannah is taking a class at the art center only a couple of doors down and it's way to cold to walk around. So here I am, and now I'm leaving.

motivation...

I feel like I'm gearing up for something. I don't know what it is, but it's gonna be great! I can feel it.

valentine's day...

Just got back from a date with Ben, woohoo! We ate at our favorite restaurant where you get to enjoy fine Mediterranean cuisine while lounging on a sofa. =) We shared all of our grand plans for the wonderful new house that we hope to have someday. We were both tired and content to just be together, so even though we had a free babysitter for the night, we decided to come home where we could watch a movie in our pj's. Something about the night was really special, but I can't quite put my finger on it. (Something about the mood and the atmosphere.) I won't try to mess it up with words.

p.s. Ben got me gerbera daisies that are yellow with peach accents. They're so pretty.

changes...

"And that's what life's all about-changes going on every minute, and you never know when something begins where it's going to take you."

~A Gathering of Days, Joan W. Blos, 1979

joy...

Today is a lovely day. I'm happy to be alive.

cleaning day...

"This was no time for play.

This was no time for fun.
This was no time for games.
There was work to be done."

~The Cat in the Hat Comes Back, Dr. Seuss, 1958

a night to remember...

Last night I had a night out with Emmeli. We had such a fun time. Emmeli is so silly! I was struck by how laid back she was last night even though she was still her rascally self. She was a lot more suttle than usual. When you're one of four, sometimes you have to make yourself heard, but last night she was totally at ease knowing that she was the star of the show. I noticed that when you only have one child with you, it's not such a big deal if she's hiding in the clothes racks at the store or whirling around in a spinning chair that could tip at any moment. While we walked around the Gap, She ran ahead of me and hid in the clothes & stuck out her little hand. She made her hand into a puppet and disguised her voice. ("Hey over here... remember me?" - "I don't like hot chocolate, but Emmeli does.") Then she would hide again and say, "Mom, where am I, I can't find myself?" I can't tell you how annoying that would have been if I had been trying to keep track of all four children and shop at the same time. But as it was, I played along and we had a wonderful time.

So this was our night out: Emmeli & I picked up a $5 pizza, ate it in the car, went to the mall, Emmeli picked out some jammies with butterflies on them, we rode the escalator in Von Maur just for the fun of it, and then we went to Whole Foods and got a hot chocolate. It wasn't a big deal when Emmeli dropped hers and it spilled all over the floor. By the time we got our hot chocolate it was about 9:30 and Emmeli started to get tired shortly after that. She wanted to ride in a cart. As I pushed her around, I said, "Are you tired." She answered with a drowsy, "Yahhhh." "You want to go home?" "Noooo." She just wanted to be out with mom, even if we were doing nothing other than walking around in circles in the grocery store. She wanted to make it last, so we did. We walked around for a bit and took the elevator upstairs so we could "look at stuff" and then we decided that we both wanted to go home.

At home, Emmeli put on her new jammies, & I brushed her teeth, and we snuggled on the couch until she fell asleep. I wish I could remember all the cute little things that she said throughout the evening so I could write them down. They're tucked away in my heart and they're wrapped up in the memory of a sweet little girl who is too silly for words.

art...

I love art class. It's so much fun to watch the kids express themselves through drawing, painting, sculpting, etc... They get so excited about their creations. It's interesting to see how much they desire my approval of their work. I think, even as adults, we desire our parents' approval. We want to hear, "well done." I also find it interesting that even as little children they don't want anyone else doing the same thing that they're doing. They want individuality. We often skip art class, because there are so many other things that we need to accomplish in a school day, but really I think it's essential.

beautiful girl...

My daughter has the most beautifully forgiving, open heart. She's like a ray of sunlight. Often, when she gets her feelings hurt, she bounces right back with no hard feelings or self pity whatsoever, in the blink of an eye. It truly is amazing. She can go up to her room in tears, and in a few minutes, when I go up to talk with her, she's already over it and has moved on. It's not a false front for buried hurts like I would put on. It's almost as if she has amnesia. Whatever the offense, it's forgiven and forgotten. I can't tell you how many times she has had to give up something that she wanted because of her cystic fibrosis - play dates, play mates, parties, fun opportunities, classes, etc... And she is so gracious! I don't know what I was thinking when I did it, but I recently signed her up for a pottery class. Well, of course the studio is covered with dust, and now we're having to take her out of it and it breaks my heart. I first started processing the whole situation when I picked her up from the class today and saw how dusty the studio was. I asked her, "Would you be devastated if I took you out of this class and put you in a different art class?" She said, "Pretty much." As I said, we've been in similar situations before and very often, after thinking things through, she says something like, "It's fine. We'll just do ______." In other words, she has learned to be very flexible. Either that, or she is so tender hearted that she's more worried about my feelings than her own, and so she just acts like it's not a big deal when it really is. If that's the case, I have to say, she's better at hiding things than anyone that I've ever known. Anyway, for her to express her desire to stay in the class, knowing that I have a concern about it is unusual. We discussed the possibility of wearing a mask, which she was totally willing to do, but ultimately decided to drop the class. She didn't cry, complain, object, pout, sulk, or worry. I don't understand it. Whether she is hiding her true feelings to protect me, or really is so obliging that she just accepts the unacceptable makes no difference. Either way she displays such faith and trust and I don't know what, that it's very humbling. I know that all of the trials that she's been through have helped to make her into the beautiful person that she is.

cooties...

Man, I feel like a reporter. This is hard work! I have to say that this is the longest I have ever kept a journal. So what do I have to say today?... At the moment I'm still marveling over a recent discovery. Did you know that there really is such a thing as cooties?! I always thought it was some imaginary affliction that you caught if someone didn't like you.

Either that or people with cooties were just inherently yucky. Anyway, everybody knows that the cooties are contagious and I never wanted to get close enough to find out for sure what they were. Well, it turns out that cooties are real bugs hiding under an alternate identity. I found an authentic historical poster online that states that cooties is another name for lice. Apparently the cooties didn't appreciate the stigma associated with that name and decided to go by something else. How liberating to find out that they're curable with a little soap. I always thought they were permanent.

Yes, this poster did originally have a picture of a REAL cootie on it. It's been removed to protect the eyes of the innocent.

setting the record straight...

Indian Giver - There are two popular etymologies for this term for a person who gives a gift only to later demand its return. The first is that it is based on an unfair stereotype of Native Americans, that they don't keep their word. In the other popular explanation, the term doesn't cast aspersions on Native Americans, instead it echoes the broken promises the whites made to the Indians. Neither is accurate, although the first is closer to the truth.
Instead the term comes from different commercial practices. To the Native Americans, who had no concept of money or currency, gifts were a form of trade goods, of exchange. One didn't give a gift without expecting one of equivalent value in return. If one could not offer an equivalent return gift, the original gift would be refused or returned. To the Europeans, who with their monetary-based trade practices, this seemed low and insulting, gifts were not for trade but were to be freely given. The noun Indian gift dates to 1765. Indian giver follows about a century later in 1865. Originally, these reflected simply the expectation of a return gift. By the 1890s, the sense had shifted to mean one who demands a gift back. ~Urban Dictionary

p.s. see previous post (ouch...)

ouch...

So I've started a new blog that I plan to use for a scrapbook rather than a journal. I guess I could put everything together, but I like to compartmentalize. Is that a real word? Anyway, so this morning I was going through some of the children's artwork that I've been saving and Emmeli walked into the room. She asked what I was doing & I told her I wanted to put pictures of some things that she's given me on the computer, so Grandma & Grandpa & others can see them. I was really treasuring these things as I went through them, feeling so pleased that I had saved everything & so special because I remember how these notes and pictures were given to me so affectionately. And you know what Emmeli said, "Who said I gave those to you?" =) What a riot.

p.s. "If you go around thinking you're being cheated, life becomes very unpleasant." ~Bambi's Children, Felix Salten, 1939

forgetful fairy...

Our house has the laziest tooth fairy that there ever was. I wish I could write in and complain, but I've no idea where to send the letter. The kids have taken to blaming me for her neglect and in addition, they want me to pay them for their teeth! This morning, I was cornered in the kitchen and interrogated. I was accused of impersonating a fairy! I guess they think that since I'm always forgetting things and the tooth fairy is always forgetting their teeth, that the tooth fairy and I must be the same person. I don't know what they think that I would want with all those teeth. Poor fairy, I don't mean to be insensitive, I know she must be terribly busy. Maybe she's not lazy at all, maybe she's just forgetful. I can relate to that. I probably should try to help her out, but I'm not very fond of getting up in the middle of the night, and what if I run into her? What would happen then? That's not likely to happen since she never comes, but if the kids catch me sneaking into their rooms, then they really will think I'm the tooth fairy. Then they'll accuse me of lying to them for all of these years. I'm going to have to find a way to catch that fairy and prove it to them once and for all. I don't know what I'll use for bait though, because apparently she doesn't like teeth.

expect the unexpected...

Today is a new day and I can't wait to see what new and exciting things will take place. What cute thing will Emmeli say? What will Hannah do to make my heart glow? What will Daniel say or do to make me laugh, and how will Snow amaze me? Isn't it crazy how we often think we have the day all figured out when there's no way of knowing what might happen at any moment? Just now, Emmeli walked in the room with her pants on her head and her short sleeved shirt on her legs like a skirt, with her hands tucked into the arm holes as if they were pockets. Who could have expected that? You just never know. I often think I need to grab hold, "seize the day," but really, what I want to do is let it play out and enjoy every minute of it.

art classes...

I've signed the kids up for some writing workshops and art classes. I'm so happy that we have some things on the agenda that will get us out of the house. Snow's taking a pottery class and Hannah's in a mixed media art class. I'm excited to see what they'll make, especially Snow. I think she really has a talent for sculpting. I plan to put some pictures of their art on my blog when they're done, but it'll be awhile, because the class won't be over for another six weeks.

I signed myself up for an art class too. (pottery) I'm really looking forward to it. It's a two day class and Becky is going to come down and do it with me. We're going to have so much fun. I can't wait.

new plan...

Yay! We're finally back on track with our normal school schedule after a month of testing and makeup work. Emmeli is starting Kindergarten, so all four kids are now officially in school. Snow is in 6th grade, Daniel - 4th, & Hannah - 2nd. I've developed a new plan (plan#512) and I'm really excited about it. It's the best one yet!

forever...

Last night when I was tucking Emmeli in, she said, "I want you to lay with me forever."