bella bella bellow...

happy caroling. lift up your voice with strength. sing a song of praise or joy. healthy, hardy, potent, concentrated. let words become lyrics. joyfully. triumphantly. all together now. let peace & hope clear the air & love God & your neighbor at once.

Christmas delight...

Remember---the long evenings of Christmas-tide are made doubly delightful by taking flash-light pictures of one's friends.

blithe...

emmeli~
"mom, you know how happy i am?... to the moon & back, & the sun & back, & to the potawatomi-over the river, & over the hill, & also to dominik's house." 12/17/2010

yes!!!

hello, hello, hello... so much to say, so little time. 1st, how is it that i can work from the time i get up 'til the time i go to bed, day after day & still get nowhere? 2nd, i love my fireplace! love it! 3rd, love my dogs, love my house, love my phone..., love chai, love the snow, love tree w/ lights, love, love, love, love..., & 4th this is like the weirdest Christmas ever, but i'm o.k. with that.

perfectly normal...

Sitting in Whole Foods with 4 kids waiting for Mom & Dad to get off the computer. Ben's listing the condo, I'm downloading stuff for school, Snow's on DS, Hannah's watching, Daniel's drawing, Emmeli-moping. 2 for 5 pizza for dinner, shared mint brownie for dessert. Just struck it rich at the garage sale next door. Bought Daniel a very badly needed pair of shoes. We actually prayed for shoes before we went in & there they were. ($15-originally $90) Ben got pants, i got a fleece & a jacket & 3 pairs of prana shorts- all exactly the same for $4 each. (I plan to dye them diff. colors.) No phone, no internet, no fridge, no bed.... But perfectly happy. Feeling perfectly normal...

Emmeli is now falling asleep in my lap... & Daniel is singing... =)

life is now...

Rabbits are like human beings in many ways. One of these is certainly their staunch ability to withstand disaster and to let the stream of their life carry them along, past reaches of terror and loss. They have a certain quality which it would not be accurate to describe as callousness or indifference. It is rather a blessedly circumscribed imagination and an intuitive feeling that life is now. A foraging wild creature, intent above all upon survival, is as strong as the grass.
~Watership Down, Richard Adams

epiphany...

( A bright light, like that of the moon, was seen shining on her forehead)

So Emmeli was talking with Ben the other night and she said, "Daddy, what day was I born?"

He told her, "April 18th."

"No, no, not my birthday... What day was I born? "

"April 18th."

Then she lit up with excitement and said, "I was BORN on my BIRTHDAY???!!!...is everybody born on their birthday??!!"

up, up, & away...

i can hardly contain my excitement! i hope i don't cry at the closing- i'll feel like a real dork if i do! (i love the little anchor in this picture.)

ps... Happy Birthday, Snowy!!!

time to move...

"Anyone who has seen the martins and swallows in September, assembling on the telephone wires, twittering, making short flights singly and in groups over the open, stubbly fields, returning to form longer and even longer lines above the yellow verges of the lanes- the hundreds of individual birds merging and blending, in a mounting excitement, into swarms, and these swarms coming loosely and untidily together to create a great, unorganized flock, thick at the center and ragged at the edges, which breaks and re-forms continually like clouds or waves-until that moment when the greater part (but not all) of them know that the time has come: they are off, and have begun once more that great southward flight which many will not survive; anyone seeing this has seen at work the current that flows (among creatures who think of themselves primarily as part of a group and only secondarily, if at all, as individuals) to fuse them together and impel them into action without conscious thought or will: has seen at work the angel which drove the First Crusade into Antioch and drives the lemmings into the sea."
~Watership Down, Richard Adams

*this blog has nothing to do with the fact that we have been in the mind to relocate for nearly ten years now and are finally moving (ready or not), nor am i focusing on the many perils that may lie ahead in this new venture; i'm far too excited for that... but, that being said, this may very well be my favorite sentence of all time.

early bird...

Most mornings Daniel is the first one up. As a result, he usually gets his chores done first, so while the girls are eating breakfast & getting ready for the day, Daniel is the only one available. Naturally, he's the one I call on if I need help picking up or getting out all of our school stuff or taking out the trash or the dogs, etc., etc., etc., or all of the above. He usually complains. *smile* This morning he yelled out in frustration, "That saying the early bird gets the worm stinks! The early bird gets the WORK!"

swirling vortex of terror...

My life is spinning out of control. I might like it, if it weren't so dizzying. If you can remain in the controlled center, or be completely out of the way, either way, I think you'll be fine. But, when you're trying to hang on with clinched fists that are being ripped open while the rest of your body is being senselessly flung about, it's not pleasant.

old faithful...

I think I keep this blog going to prove to myself that I can actually stick to something. Don't get me wrong, I love it, but it is seriously important to me that I write something at least once a month for the rest of my life.

just like old friends...

I've been afraid to come here. I thought I let September slip by without a word and I didn't want to know. Thankfully, I was wrong. I still have nothing to say, but I'm here. I'm glad to see you're here too. We should get together more often.

I guess there is one thing:
Today, I took Hannah & Daniel to the dentist. Hannah had a nice little chat with the hygienist. It cracks me up the way my kids love to sit and chat with random grown-up persons. When she was asked to demonstrate how she brushes her teeth, the hygienist noticed she was using her left hand, & said, "Oh, are you left-handed?" And Hannah said, "Yes, but I'm trying to learn to be right-handed." I don't know why I thought that was so cute. It must have been the way she said it. It was like, "Oh, do you smoke?" "Yes, but I'm trying to quit."

waiting...

the waiting place... for people just waiting. waiting for a train to go, or a bus to come, or a plane to go, or the mail to come, or the rain to go, or the PHONE TO RING, or the snow to snow, or WAITING FOR A YES OR NO, or waiting for their hair to grow. waiting for the fish to bite, or waiting for wind to fly a kite, or waiting around for friday night, or waiting, perhaps, for their uncle jake, or a pot to boil, or a better break, or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants, or a wig with curls, or another chance. everyone is just waiting.

puppy love...

Today was our first full day at home with Owen & Sage. We're so pleased with them. They're so playful and happy and loving. I think they like their new home.

borscht...

i had borscht!!! =) I don't know why that's such a big deal. maybe it's because it's such a cool name? maybe it's because i can't believe i actually ate a soup made with almost nothing but beets. (i always thought i hated beets.) i love my ukrainian friend and i can't wait to go back & eat more pink soup & apple pie that tastes like angel food cake.

doom funnel...

Let's please remember this feeling & stop drinking coffee. I don't know why I do it. I hate the way it makes me feel. It's nice to have an energy boost when you feel like you need a little extra help in the day, but it's never worth it. What I don't get is why nobody else seems to have this problem with coffee. Honestly, the coffee I had today was decaf. =) I must be allergic.

sweet friend...

Today, after swimming lessons, Emmeli was telling me about how she went to the deep part of the shallow end all by herself, but some boys in her swim class didn't want to go. I commended her for being the brave one, then she said, "Oh they were brave, they were just scared."

sleep...

Where'd everybody go??? Everyone's in bed & I'm wide awake! The house is still & vacant, but it feels like the middle of the afternoon for some reason. It feels like people should be running around doing something, including me. Wake up people, I need someone to talk to. Maybe I can make myself sleepy by thinking of something lovely to dream about. Last night I had some really cool dreams, but I really can't remember what they were about. I remember there was going to be some sort of battle, which is weird, I've never dreamt about being in a battle before. But I don't think anyone was going to get hurt. All I know is I was excited about it & I wasn't afraid at all. Anyway, it never happened, because I woke up. I remember the people I was with weren't people, but I don't remember what they were. They were friendly, though, & I was captivated by them. I remember riding on some sort of board that half rolled & half floated over some globular rocks that acted as wheels. I rushed down a hill, went flying way up in the air, & landed in some water near the shore, a little unexpectedly, right before I woke up. That was fun. I've been thinking a lot about dreams lately. Isn't it crazy how much of our lives we spend dreaming? It's like another life we live. The weird thing is, we don't seem to remember half of what we dream. Seriously, what's the point of thinking something if you don't know you thought it? I really need to go to sleep.

dream house...

Sometimes I dream about houses... I'll be having such a lovely time, and then I wake up to discover I was dreaming. It's o.k. It's a very brief disappointment, b/c I'm certainly very thankful for a real house, even if it's not as fantabulous as the dreamed up one. Sometimes I sort of remember my dream throughout the day and work my way through the same cycle several times: excitement mixed with anticipation, cognizance, chagrin, sensibility, gratitude. Yesterday I experienced that familiar feeling and realized midway thru chagrin- wait a minute - this is really happening. There really is a house. I can be excited! Forget sensibility! This may or may not happen, but at least I didn't dream it up! It was very cool. I'm letting myself get way out of hand with hopefulness with this one, but that's o.k. I'm having fun on this roller coaster ride.

dragon tongue...

I'm learning new things all of the time. Some I learn in my head & some I learn in my heart. Are the things I learn in my heart stored in my head or does my heart have a mind of its own? Right now I'm learning that even strong people are hurt by pinpricks & you have to be careful about that. The thing is, I already knew that, but I didn't remind myself. Words are wicked powerful. Beware of the dragon tongue.

hold on to that thought...

I'm looking out my window & it's a beautiful day! I have so much to be thankful for & I'm happy about that.

heart for blog...

I love my blog... just sayin'...

happy campers...

Tomorrow we go to pick up Snow & Daniel from camp! =) I can't wait! I think we'll be the first one's there.

purrfect...

Hannah & Emmeli just fell asleep together on the living room floor, in the middle of a thunderstorm, cuddled up with their pillows & blankets, their arms around each other & their stuffed animals squished up between & underneath them. I looked for a picture of two kittens, which is exactly what they remind me of and look what I found... perfect.

i like ice cream...

Emmeli just spent some of her hard-earned art fair money on a half gallon of chocolate ice cream. When we got home, as soon as she could, she sat down with a spoon and started eating it right out of the container. =)

i want my $2...

This morning as we were going thru the loot from last nights art fair, Daniel told me something very funny. Apparently a lady had tried to buy something from him with a $2 bill. Daniel told me this as if to say, "Can you believe that someone tried to hand me some fake money." Daniel basically laughed at her, "You can't fool me with that bogus bill." (paraphrased) So the lady actually went & got change & returned to buy the bookmark. =) When I explained the facts to Daniel, he was mortified & so disappointed that he didn't keep it! Poor kid. He's going to kill me when he reads this!

piece of quiet...

Sometimes quiet is as beautiful as any music. When you're in that place where you are truly absorbed in the stillness, any little noise is like thunder. I wonder how many times I can say "shhhh!" You know that state between sleeping & waking where you don't want anything to break in? Sometimes you can tiptoe in even though you're fully awake. It's a lovely place that I'm greedy for. The sound of the fan is a beautiful tune & the crickets in the basement are singing.

bill jones...

i love this! this is exactly the type of practical advice i need. i love you bill jones, whoever you are!

never never land...

i can't believe what is happening to my beach!!!!!! it's so sad & horrible & DISGUSTING! WHY?! & HOW?! & what in the world is wrong with people? they are so messed up in the head & backwards & ...(i'm trying really hard not to say something ugly!) we're going to be fighting this mess when we're all old & explaining to our grandkids what a beautiful beach looks like! what a monstrosity! BP is a monster & we're MONSTER MAGNETS!!!! no wonder kids don't ever want to grow up! it's because adults are DIMWITS! PLEASE!!!! take me away to a place where things like THIS NEVER NEVER happen!!!!

you know me?...

It's fun to see yourself through someone else's eyes, especially if they see something nice & they've pegged you right. It's kind of rewarding to see that someone else knows you so well, & to see that they remember the good in you & not the bad; to see that someone else can answer questions for you about yourself better than you can, because they're young & sweet & uncomplicated. Emmeli~ (4/27/2010) "Mom, what do you like?" ... answering her own question: "Mom likes ice cream, Mom likes b-days, Mom likes pictures, Mom likes sticks, Mom likes flowers, Mom likes me."

right 'n wrong...

You can't always do everything right. Sometimes you just have to do it wrong.

chef boyardee...

I know I talk a lot about date night here. It is definitely one of the highlights of my existence. Last night I was totally relishing the joys of being april. I realize that all people are not so easily amused, and I love that I get to glean so much happiness from simple oddities. It makes life so pleasant. Speaking of relish, Emmeli & I finally ate at the Fleetwood Diner. (She's been asking me to take her there for a long time.) Upon Jewels recommendation, I ordered hippie hash & it was pretty darn good. (*hash browns with mushrooms, tomatoes, broccoli, & feta cheese, & onions?-not sure about the onions...I think it had onions) So, here are the things I loved about the evening that I know mostly make me sound like a mind-washed nincompoop ~I spelled that right on the first try : I love going to Acme. I love that it's the place that I remember from watching roadrunner, that the girl who runs the place is named Jewels, that we are on a first name basis, like the same music, & that she's making me a compilation, just because. I love that I can get a huge smile buying some silly thing there for under $10. Last night's purchase was a notepad for recording errands. I told Jewels we were going to eat at the fleetwood diner, and she recommended the hippie hash. (How could I resist the hippie hash?) At the diner while waiting for our food, Emmeli & I took turns smelling her fruitstripe gum. It reminded me of how Hannah once said a scratch & sniff sticker smelled like it was born to be smelled. (Ever notice how all the flavors taste the same?) I wished I had my camera as we were waiting for our food. The diner, which was really a vintage Fleetwood motorhome, I think, had stickers all over the walls inside from years & years of people sticking them up. I love that the waytress (I misspelled that on accident at first, but I like it that way, so I'm leaving it-very fitting) was really grumpy like Flo from Mel's diner & that I tipped her really well by accident. I think I was hypnotized by the friendly chef boy there who felt compelled to start juggling condiments, as we were paying the check. I love spending time with my little Emmeli who is the jokiest little soul on the planet. She is the epitome of her hippie hash, acme, juggle loving mama who laughs on the inside, only she's turned inside out. After a short walk on the longest night of the year & a rootbeer float on the porch, the night ended with a magical display of fireflies. They really are magical. Emmeli see's them as little flying robot insects buzzing their buzzers. That wasn't really the end, beacause we played LBP, ofcourse. This is only a tiny smathering of the simplicities that lit up my inner rejuvenator last night & the funny thing is, I was really perturbed with my day at the beginning of the night & didn't even want to go out. What am I trying to say here? I have no idea. Why is it that the simplest little things make me so happy? Ben says I'm trying to re-live my childhood. Is that true? I hope I never grow up. A few more bonus items that contributed to my super combo variety date night: We saw a bunny on our walk, & Ben (we invited the rest of the fam to come on the walk) picked a flower for me. In a weird way, I obtained enjoyment from watching Emmeli contemplate, as she realized she couldn't scooter & hold my hand at the same time. I have a beautiful life. What makes an evening so full of gumpf & gusto? I wish I knew, so I could do it again & again.

*When this blog runs out, I'm naming my next blog gumpf & gusto. I hope it's not taken.

weird...

something cute that emmeli said the other day... she told me that she saw someone with a prosthetic limb, although she didn't call it that of course, & she said she thought it was weird. so we talked about that for a bit, but then i told her she should never tell someone she thinks they look weird, because it could hurt their feelings. ( i just wanted to make sure ) she replied, "i think myself is weird sometimes. i like to do lazy things & i like dumb commercials." i loved that. i think myself is weird sometimes too.

blog shmaug...

traveling buddy...

Thanks traveling buddy. You're the best. Glad you didn't have to get out your green hat while I was there.

my best friend...

God is my best friend. He's always there for me, even in the middle of the night, when everyone else is sleeping and I just want to talk. Even when He has been asking me to come hang out with Him for weeks & I keep putting Him off. He just keeps asking.

breaking up...

Having caffeine makes me feel like I'm in love~ in love with life, in love with the world. But then, it's never long before we have a horrible break up.

head of a woman...

I love to wake up & blog to start my day. I wish I could sit here with a cup of coffee. I did have a coffee at Angelo's yesterday, because it was Mother's Day. It was so good. I'll be craving coffee for weeks now. Anyway, it's nice to sit down to something in the morning, otherwise I feel like I'm walking in circles. Right now my brain is in random fire mode, which is perfect for blogging. It's great fun, because nothing comprehensible comes out at this point, and I have to try to piece everything together so that my writing comes out looking something like a Picasso. The problem is that I'm too much of a perfectionist to appreciate the beauty of that very large nose, or to be able to accept that one eye is much bigger than the other, or to leave the hands, even though they are way too big for the boy I just painted. So, I work work work 'til everything looks normal and you miss the beauty of what could have been, if I only knew how to savor the imperfection. Well, I'm awake now, so I better get busy with my day. Love to all my readers, I know who you are-even if you never comment. =) Have a lovely day.

*See- even when I choose a Picasso, I have to choose a normal looking one. He was probably just waking up when he sketched this, and never got around to moving everything around the way he wanted. Anyway, I like the title of this one.

wetness...

I love rain. I was going to put this as a p.s. to my last post, but decided that it needed it's own place. I know I've probably blogged quite a bit about both food/dieting and rain, but that's o.k. *smile* I love the sound of the rain, the way it washes everything, the way it keeps me tucked inside my house, the way it falls from the sky. I love watching it. I love the wetness of it. Even if I'm not getting wet, just being surrounded by rain makes me feel like I'm in the shower or swimming or swimming in a shower. It's comforting. What is it, that feeling that something is washing over you? I can't describe it. I wonder if anyone has ever captured it in words. I love big thunder storms too and I miss those. A dump truck in the alley behind my house just set down a big dumpster with a rumbling bang & for a moment I thought it was thunder. *smile* Well, that's o.k. gentle rains are lovely in their own way. I love how the birds come out of their hiding places when the rain slows to a drizzle, and they start chirping and shake the water off their feathers. I think it's beautiful to them too.

taking control...

First of all... forgive me if my next several blogs have to do with food or complaints about the lack of food. I'm starting a diet today & I'm blogging about it, so that I will be inclined to stay on the diet. At first I planned to eat nothing but cereal for three weeks so that I could have a small taste of what it must be like for people who really have no food, but then I chickened out, literally, and decided that, in order to keep up with the high demands of my day to day activities, I better have some protein. So, the plan is to have 1 bowl of cereal, 1 yogurt smoothie, & 1 salad with chicken on it each day. I won't be eating any snakes, in case you were wondering. In fact, looking at this picture every day may help me stay on the diet (as I think about all the people in the world who are so hungry that they have to eat snakes). I know it's very exciting for you to hear the details of my diet. I figured I better spell it out, though.

"It's all right letting yourself go, as long as you can get yourself back." ~Mick Jagger

I always take advice from Mick Jagger. =)

fighting apathy...

Where have I lost all of my willpower? Must be on the loose, running & running-unstoppable no doubt. Whatever fear of being a quitter, whatever pride, determination, stick-to-it-iveness, or whatever I had-it's gone now. Life does seem easier, but I think I'd rather be proud & fearful.

"People do not lack strength, they lack will." ~Victor Hugo

la la laaa linoleummm...

"L" is such a lovely letter; for words like lollipop & lace; the letter "L" lights up your face; so why not la-la-la-la-laaaaaaa... with meeeee.....

safe and sound...

Yay! It's April! All that's on my mind... I might possibly have the best kids on the planet; I'm ready to go on a big road trip, but will miss Ben; I'm anxious about seeing Willow & helping him transition to his new home/Becky was a great foster mom & I know she & Willow will miss each other; super excited to see my friends Missy, Laura, & possibly Udora- I have great friends; tired of trying to be skinny so I can go to the beach without worrying about how I look/hoping my shorts from last summer still fit; loving the beautiful Easter lilies that are on my table; a little concerned about Snow's lung function test results from today's visit-I'm sure everything will be fine- I don't like seeing Snow worry; thankful that Ben & I can make up sometimes just by holding hands-without saying anything; having fun doing a Bible study in the book of Esther with Snow; feeling a little anxious about how all of my plans will come together for my trip to P'cola/looking forward to connecting with some old friends if it works out; excited about seeing my family but preparing myself for the drama that comes with...that's enough for now... did I mention I hate shopping... I HATE SHOPPING!!! o.k. feeling much better now that I've unloaded a bit. Now I shall sleep like a baby & wake up happy.

my menagery...

Snow made me the cutest little lion to add to my menagery. He looks like Afro Ken. =) I just love him!

moon smile...

i saw alice in wonderland with ben tonight. on the way home the moon looked exactly like the smiling moon smile of the cheshire cat in the movie. i don't know if i've ever seen it like that before-maybe once or twice. funny that it would be like that tonight, though. we got in the car, started home, and there it was, smiling at us. =) good night smiling moon, you weird thing. see you next time.

bare...

Did you know when I look at an empty inbox I resort to talking to myself. There's nothing more depressing than an empty inbox. That's why I need a blog. It's like being your own best friend & like having a billion imaginary friends at the same time. Hello friends...

phone a friend...

Emmeli met a little friend named Fiona at her "fun with clay" class. Yesterday was the last day of class, so I met Fiona's mom & we got their phone number and Em wanted to call as soon as we got home from the class. I didn't let her call last night, but told her that she could call today. So this morning when Emmeli woke up she stumbled down the stairs and brought the phone up to her bed first thing. I didn't catch on to what she was up to right away, but then she went over to her little mushroom purse and started to unfold the little piece of paper, eyes barely open. It was SO sweet. What a cutie!

the young and the restless...

poor emmeli has growing pains, dry skin, sleep disorder, separation anxiety, and restless leg syndrome. =) she can't sleep at night, so she wakes up and realizes that she's all alone & needs to climb in bed with somebody. Then she can't get back to sleep because her legs hurt, and they itch, and she can't stop moving them all around. poor girl. last night after an hour of turmoil, i gave her some benadryl, not because i was trying to drug her, but because her legs were itching like mad. that cured everything, that stuff works wonders.

be free...

So we know now that we really should not have any pets (except maybe saltwater fish). It's difficult to accept this, especially for this nature-loving family. Everybody wants a little companion, but I'm teaching myself and the children that the beauty of nature is in it's wildness~not it's tameness.