...

How will you dream if you don't sleep? How will you hear yourself?

~Morning Girl, Michael Dorris

the feast...

Yesterday was Daniel's birthday and we had a medieval feast. We had lentils, peas, asparagus, herb salad, sweet potatoes, dill new potatoes, baked pears, homemade applesauce, a medieval dish called makerouns (tasted like very yummy homemade macaroni & cheese), a medieval dish called mushrooms & leeks (so yummy. we added zucchini. it tasted like green bean casserole with zucchini instead of grn. bns.), rotisserie chickens aplenty, an abundance of bread & butter, a fruit tart, a chocolate coffee cake, blackberry ice cream, & sparkling grape juice. Daniel said it was his best birthday. He said, "For once in my life, I'm actually full." =) He had a whole chicken all to himself. (no, he didn't eat the whole thing, but it's in the fridge w/ his name on it. he actually had some of it for breakfast this morning) I can't believe we didn't take a picture of the spread-actually I can. Can you imagine making all of that food with four kids & 2 dogs running around in the same room? There were people here installing new carpet upstairs, so we were all sticking together. It was a bit crazy. I bought some gold brocade fabric that I used as a table runner & we had lots of big candles, & a fire etc... etc... etc... medieval lute music etc... etc... etc... It sort of turned into a bday/school project since we're learning about medieval times this year. It was beautiful & it was fun. Isn't it funny how, once things work out, you turn around & say how fun they were? In actuality, I was totally stressing out trying to make all of that food. Daniel invisioned a true feast & I was trying to capture abracadabra. I was sure I was going to set the kitchen on fire & destroy the whole thing, but of course the kids helped me with all of the cooking. It really was fun to work together, even though the scene probably mirrored a recent episode of Hell's Kitchen. Well, all's well that ends well. =) When I was filling out Daniel's birthday card I told him that he makes me smile every day, but in all honesty he doesn't just make me smile, he also makes me laugh every day. Who could ask for anything more?

likeness...

i love this picture. i just happened to come across it & i wanted it on my blog. i don't generally like pictures of Jesus, b/c I think that maybe the artist didn't peg him right. & i think maybe they don't see him the way i see him. & i feel that probably the artist doesn't have any idea what Jesus really looked like. but i love this picture. i'm sure Jesus didn't look like this, b/c the Bible says that he was not particularly handsome. nevertheless, to me, the features & the look in his eye are just right. beautiful.

saboteur...

"mom-emmeli's doing some sort of experiment with the green stool, peanut butter, jelly, & some string. you might want to go check it out."

waking...

at first he only dipped below the surface of sleep, and skimmed along like a salmon in shallow water, so close to the surface that he fancied himself in air. he thought himself awake when he was already asleep. he saw the stars above his face, whirling on their silent and sleepless axis, and the leaves of the trees rustling against them......... the sun came early, causing him to turn over in protest, but in going to sleep he had learned to vanquish light, and now the light could not rewake him. ~taken from Once & Future King/T.H. White

waaaa...

what goes up... must come down. in the downy dumps for no particular reason whatsoever.

dear little friend...

today ben & i worked the whole day at the condo. for the first time since we've moved i really sort of felt like i missed the place. i've been so excited about the big new house & distracted by the move that i haven't really thought about it, but i miss my house. it felt so cozy there tonight-like home. ben & i both felt like we were visiting an old friend. i love this picture. it sort of looks like the condo with the dental molding, white trim, & hardwood floors. & this is kind of how i felt toward the end of our stay there- like a baby bird ready to break out of its shell. but i do wish we could keep our dear little friend in the family. we have so many memories there & i really am quite attached to the place. it's going to be so sad to see her go. =(

snow storm...

We have so much snow! It's 1:23 a.m. & Ben is outside shoveling the driveway just for fun. =) It's so beautiful here.

bluebirds abounding...

i know- i'm overflowing with muchness today. but you have to catch the happy thoughts when they come and tuck them away lest they should wander off. did you know my house is surrounded by bluebirds? they love my house. we don't have bird feeders or boxes or fountains, but they like us just the way we are. i didn't know bluebirds stuck around during the winter, but they do. did you know they are cousins to the robin? they are. so when i see them, i think it must be spring, especially on a beautifully sunny day like today. bluebirds amassed outside my window... they fortify the magic of this place.

all the pretty flowers...

The Jasmine is blooming & it's so lovely. Just being in the company of it makes me feel sweet & delicate like a fairy...

brendan "luck"...

my new term for the incidental coincidences which commonly occur in our day to day learnedness. blessings, hallmarks, a royal stamp of approval. no time to explain, but i must remember the sphinx & the sphinx moth, & brendan of kells & st. brendan, & albrecht durer with his woodcut of adam & eve in company with the apocalypse. also, steve severin (author of the brendan voyage) & his find at the library so similar to ours, hence the name..."brendan luck."

nerd glasses...

man, everything i want to say takes so many words. i just don't have time to say what i want to say here. i'm going to have to start talking to myself in code, so if you don't get what i'm saying, please understand, i'm not crazy...

as a side note-this blog is dedicated to my "nerd glasses." i like you. i like you a lot, but what ever possessed someone to make frames out of an opaqueish color the exact likeness of snot?

comity...

"The obligations of law and equity reach only to mankind, but kindness and beneficence should be extended to the creatures of every species; and these still flow from the breast of a well-natured man, as streams that issue from the living fountain."

~Plutarch

the heart of conniption...

"When the mind is at ease the body has leisure to be delicate, but the tempest in his mind did take all feeling else from his senses but of that which beat at his heart."

~Tales From Shakespeare/ King Lear

peppy...

i love this day!!!

sweet stuff...

ben bought me some jasmine flowers. i drink jasmine green tea almost every morning, so apparently jasmine makes him think of me. so sweet. i have to remember these things, which reminds me.... one day, not too long ago i was snuggling with owen & ben wanted to take my picture. i was a little concerned that i was not looking my best & being still in my jammies, said, "do you think i look pretty?" & he said, "you always look pretty." it was said so plainly, as if it were undeniably true. i think of that whenever i need cheering up.

high hopes...

"don't get mad. i know you're going to say no, but daniel wanted me to ask you something. i just want to be nice for people, mom. (inhale) can we play a four player video game?"

no.

(exhale) "i knew you were going to say that."

tea party.....

do i have to? ...sometimes it's so hard to tear myself from the computer screen. all my friends are in there. i don't want to go and work and slave and tend to an endless list of responsibilities. just one more minute. just one more cup of tea.

good riddance...

"Rudeness ought rather be forgotten than remembered, save for the sake of amending it."

~from The Little Duke

have faith...

& despise not the day of small things...

same same...

~Snow (about The Lay of the Land)

"I like that book. It puts into words the best thoughts I've ever had about the woods."

happy days...

=) feeling happy & friendly today....... it comes & goes.

wish...

wishing all a bright & blessed Christmas & a year filled with hope & peace.

my son, the inventor...

daniel's latest inventions:

the heart ~

here i sit at the table-as i stare deep into the flames i feel a profound peace in my heart-

for the heart is like a flame which flares and burns yet does not die with the body but rises upward to heaven

my journey~

i'm starting on a journey to travel the wide world-but i will need a pack for traveling-without one it's simply not done-however, now i am ready to start-but do i have a rope?-i simply will not go

wind~

swirl, dance, my friends- all your wonders are seen and known-for who does not know the wind

bella bella bellow...

happy caroling. lift up your voice with strength. sing a song of praise or joy. healthy, hardy, potent, concentrated. let words become lyrics. joyfully. triumphantly. all together now. let peace & hope clear the air & love God & your neighbor at once.

Christmas delight...

Remember---the long evenings of Christmas-tide are made doubly delightful by taking flash-light pictures of one's friends.

blithe...

emmeli~
"mom, you know how happy i am?... to the moon & back, & the sun & back, & to the potawatomi-over the river, & over the hill, & also to dominik's house." 12/17/2010

yes!!!

hello, hello, hello... so much to say, so little time. 1st, how is it that i can work from the time i get up 'til the time i go to bed, day after day & still get nowhere? 2nd, i love my fireplace! love it! 3rd, love my dogs, love my house, love my phone..., love chai, love the snow, love tree w/ lights, love, love, love, love..., & 4th this is like the weirdest Christmas ever, but i'm o.k. with that.

perfectly normal...

Sitting in Whole Foods with 4 kids waiting for Mom & Dad to get off the computer. Ben's listing the condo, I'm downloading stuff for school, Snow's on DS, Hannah's watching, Daniel's drawing, Emmeli-moping. 2 for 5 pizza for dinner, shared mint brownie for dessert. Just struck it rich at the garage sale next door. Bought Daniel a very badly needed pair of shoes. We actually prayed for shoes before we went in & there they were. ($15-originally $90) Ben got pants, i got a fleece & a jacket & 3 pairs of prana shorts- all exactly the same for $4 each. (I plan to dye them diff. colors.) No phone, no internet, no fridge, no bed.... But perfectly happy. Feeling perfectly normal...

Emmeli is now falling asleep in my lap... & Daniel is singing... =)

life is now...

Rabbits are like human beings in many ways. One of these is certainly their staunch ability to withstand disaster and to let the stream of their life carry them along, past reaches of terror and loss. They have a certain quality which it would not be accurate to describe as callousness or indifference. It is rather a blessedly circumscribed imagination and an intuitive feeling that life is now. A foraging wild creature, intent above all upon survival, is as strong as the grass.
~Watership Down, Richard Adams

epiphany...

( A bright light, like that of the moon, was seen shining on her forehead)

So Emmeli was talking with Ben the other night and she said, "Daddy, what day was I born?"

He told her, "April 18th."

"No, no, not my birthday... What day was I born? "

"April 18th."

Then she lit up with excitement and said, "I was BORN on my BIRTHDAY???!!!...is everybody born on their birthday??!!"

up, up, & away...

i can hardly contain my excitement! i hope i don't cry at the closing- i'll feel like a real dork if i do! (i love the little anchor in this picture.)

ps... Happy Birthday, Snowy!!!

time to move...

"Anyone who has seen the martins and swallows in September, assembling on the telephone wires, twittering, making short flights singly and in groups over the open, stubbly fields, returning to form longer and even longer lines above the yellow verges of the lanes- the hundreds of individual birds merging and blending, in a mounting excitement, into swarms, and these swarms coming loosely and untidily together to create a great, unorganized flock, thick at the center and ragged at the edges, which breaks and re-forms continually like clouds or waves-until that moment when the greater part (but not all) of them know that the time has come: they are off, and have begun once more that great southward flight which many will not survive; anyone seeing this has seen at work the current that flows (among creatures who think of themselves primarily as part of a group and only secondarily, if at all, as individuals) to fuse them together and impel them into action without conscious thought or will: has seen at work the angel which drove the First Crusade into Antioch and drives the lemmings into the sea."
~Watership Down, Richard Adams

*this blog has nothing to do with the fact that we have been in the mind to relocate for nearly ten years now and are finally moving (ready or not), nor am i focusing on the many perils that may lie ahead in this new venture; i'm far too excited for that... but, that being said, this may very well be my favorite sentence of all time.

early bird...

Most mornings Daniel is the first one up. As a result, he usually gets his chores done first, so while the girls are eating breakfast & getting ready for the day, Daniel is the only one available. Naturally, he's the one I call on if I need help picking up or getting out all of our school stuff or taking out the trash or the dogs, etc., etc., etc., or all of the above. He usually complains. *smile* This morning he yelled out in frustration, "That saying the early bird gets the worm stinks! The early bird gets the WORK!"

swirling vortex of terror...

My life is spinning out of control. I might like it, if it weren't so dizzying. If you can remain in the controlled center, or be completely out of the way, either way, I think you'll be fine. But, when you're trying to hang on with clinched fists that are being ripped open while the rest of your body is being senselessly flung about, it's not pleasant.

old faithful...

I think I keep this blog going to prove to myself that I can actually stick to something. Don't get me wrong, I love it, but it is seriously important to me that I write something at least once a month for the rest of my life.

just like old friends...

I've been afraid to come here. I thought I let September slip by without a word and I didn't want to know. Thankfully, I was wrong. I still have nothing to say, but I'm here. I'm glad to see you're here too. We should get together more often.

I guess there is one thing:
Today, I took Hannah & Daniel to the dentist. Hannah had a nice little chat with the hygienist. It cracks me up the way my kids love to sit and chat with random grown-up persons. When she was asked to demonstrate how she brushes her teeth, the hygienist noticed she was using her left hand, & said, "Oh, are you left-handed?" And Hannah said, "Yes, but I'm trying to learn to be right-handed." I don't know why I thought that was so cute. It must have been the way she said it. It was like, "Oh, do you smoke?" "Yes, but I'm trying to quit."

waiting...

the waiting place... for people just waiting. waiting for a train to go, or a bus to come, or a plane to go, or the mail to come, or the rain to go, or the PHONE TO RING, or the snow to snow, or WAITING FOR A YES OR NO, or waiting for their hair to grow. waiting for the fish to bite, or waiting for wind to fly a kite, or waiting around for friday night, or waiting, perhaps, for their uncle jake, or a pot to boil, or a better break, or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants, or a wig with curls, or another chance. everyone is just waiting.

puppy love...

Today was our first full day at home with Owen & Sage. We're so pleased with them. They're so playful and happy and loving. I think they like their new home.

borscht...

i had borscht!!! =) I don't know why that's such a big deal. maybe it's because it's such a cool name? maybe it's because i can't believe i actually ate a soup made with almost nothing but beets. (i always thought i hated beets.) i love my ukrainian friend and i can't wait to go back & eat more pink soup & apple pie that tastes like angel food cake.

doom funnel...

Let's please remember this feeling & stop drinking coffee. I don't know why I do it. I hate the way it makes me feel. It's nice to have an energy boost when you feel like you need a little extra help in the day, but it's never worth it. What I don't get is why nobody else seems to have this problem with coffee. Honestly, the coffee I had today was decaf. =) I must be allergic.

sweet friend...

Today, after swimming lessons, Emmeli was telling me about how she went to the deep part of the shallow end all by herself, but some boys in her swim class didn't want to go. I commended her for being the brave one, then she said, "Oh they were brave, they were just scared."

sleep...

Where'd everybody go??? Everyone's in bed & I'm wide awake! The house is still & vacant, but it feels like the middle of the afternoon for some reason. It feels like people should be running around doing something, including me. Wake up people, I need someone to talk to. Maybe I can make myself sleepy by thinking of something lovely to dream about. Last night I had some really cool dreams, but I really can't remember what they were about. I remember there was going to be some sort of battle, which is weird, I've never dreamt about being in a battle before. But I don't think anyone was going to get hurt. All I know is I was excited about it & I wasn't afraid at all. Anyway, it never happened, because I woke up. I remember the people I was with weren't people, but I don't remember what they were. They were friendly, though, & I was captivated by them. I remember riding on some sort of board that half rolled & half floated over some globular rocks that acted as wheels. I rushed down a hill, went flying way up in the air, & landed in some water near the shore, a little unexpectedly, right before I woke up. That was fun. I've been thinking a lot about dreams lately. Isn't it crazy how much of our lives we spend dreaming? It's like another life we live. The weird thing is, we don't seem to remember half of what we dream. Seriously, what's the point of thinking something if you don't know you thought it? I really need to go to sleep.

dream house...

Sometimes I dream about houses... I'll be having such a lovely time, and then I wake up to discover I was dreaming. It's o.k. It's a very brief disappointment, b/c I'm certainly very thankful for a real house, even if it's not as fantabulous as the dreamed up one. Sometimes I sort of remember my dream throughout the day and work my way through the same cycle several times: excitement mixed with anticipation, cognizance, chagrin, sensibility, gratitude. Yesterday I experienced that familiar feeling and realized midway thru chagrin- wait a minute - this is really happening. There really is a house. I can be excited! Forget sensibility! This may or may not happen, but at least I didn't dream it up! It was very cool. I'm letting myself get way out of hand with hopefulness with this one, but that's o.k. I'm having fun on this roller coaster ride.

dragon tongue...

I'm learning new things all of the time. Some I learn in my head & some I learn in my heart. Are the things I learn in my heart stored in my head or does my heart have a mind of its own? Right now I'm learning that even strong people are hurt by pinpricks & you have to be careful about that. The thing is, I already knew that, but I didn't remind myself. Words are wicked powerful. Beware of the dragon tongue.

hold on to that thought...

I'm looking out my window & it's a beautiful day! I have so much to be thankful for & I'm happy about that.

heart for blog...

I love my blog... just sayin'...

happy campers...

Tomorrow we go to pick up Snow & Daniel from camp! =) I can't wait! I think we'll be the first one's there.

purrfect...

Hannah & Emmeli just fell asleep together on the living room floor, in the middle of a thunderstorm, cuddled up with their pillows & blankets, their arms around each other & their stuffed animals squished up between & underneath them. I looked for a picture of two kittens, which is exactly what they remind me of and look what I found... perfect.

i like ice cream...

Emmeli just spent some of her hard-earned art fair money on a half gallon of chocolate ice cream. When we got home, as soon as she could, she sat down with a spoon and started eating it right out of the container. =)