little bird...

I know this is such a simple everyday ordinary thing, but it inspired me. So sometimes there are things that inspire us to see things differently, or to act differently, etc... But sometimes, I just get inspired to no particular end. So maybe inspired isn't the word I'm looking for. Anyway, what happened was this... Ben & I went out for coffee. We're pinching our pennies right now, but regardless, Ben wanted to go out with me to my favorite spot, so we scrounged up some change and we went. (For those of you who have seen the picture, this was the same day that I got the photo of him kneeling down next to the baby bird who was begging for crumbs on the corner downtown. It was apparently a very bad, invasive species type, but we decided not to squish it. It's a sweet picture.) So, of course, before getting coffee we had to stop at the recycle center to spend some of the money that we don't have. It's on the way. And it was there from whence the so-called inspiration came. I feel a little silly for mentioning it now that we come to the point. It really is no big deal, but isn't it funny that I'm still thinking about it a week later. We met a busy lady there, pilfering through old belongings as we were, looking for some treasure. She was busy, but in a care-free sort of way, busy, because why else would you be at the recycle center, but perfectly content to leave with nothing. What was special was that she was having such a lovely time telling us all about her most treasured finds and her favorite spots around town for finding such things. In short, she divulged all her secrets willingly, a sort of hoarder without the greediness. As I said, she left without buying any junk and said goodby to the cashier, who she knew by name. We saw her again outside and it turned out that she was the wife of Ben's boss's boss's boss or something. I'm sure we'll see her again someday since we'll be visiting all the spots she recommended. I look forward to it. Why would I mention such a seemingly meaningless encounter? It's certainly not because we met the big wife of a bigwig, certainly not! I abhor such things! It's for no other reason than mentioning the little bird, but when the bigwig is the little bird, it makes it all the more muchy.

 

i'm keeping them all...

I need to write something. I have no time. But this writing thing is healing to my soul. Just one quiet moment with me and the brain and I will think of something. Or if I don't think, that is okay too. The words just land on the paper. If they were brave little words, they would fly away in an instant, but they're not. They're shy. So they will come to me again for approval, and I'll encourage them along, or shelter them. Either way, with much deliberation, we will at some point come to a conclusion, and the final result will be that they are not birds, they are words. So they shall be stamped onto the paper. And there they shall stay. Embedded. Embossed. To be imbibed. Let them soar, let them sing, but let them stay. I told you I was greedy.

 

Easter egg...

Wish i would have thought of this on Mother's Day. That would've been brilliant! But i didn't. I thought of it just now, when it wasn't even Mother's Day, and i think that makes it even more special. I love you, Mom; i know you probably won't read this until like three months from now, (because you never check your email), but that's just fine.

Easter egg (noun)

1. a colored hard-boiled egg used to celebrate Easter

2. an intentional hidden message, or feature in a work such as a computer program, video game, movie, book, or crossword. The term was coined at Atari by personnel who were alerted to the presence of a secret message which had been hidden by game designer Warren Robinett in his already widely distributed game, Adventure. The name has been said to evoke the idea of a traditional Easter egg hunt. What fun!

fruitful regions gladdened by plenty...

So this morning i was reading thru some old blogs. It was so much fun! I'm an awesome blogger! Hehe. Man, there were so many typos & little things that i wanted to tweak, but i didn't. (I told you that, because i wanted you to know how brave i am.) Also, all this writing is really paying off... A. Because i don't think there are nearly as many typos in my more recent blogs. & B. Because i have such a nice little collection! Anyway, i don't know if you've noticed, but i've been making a lot of book recommendations lately. I just want you to know, i'm not getting paid for that. I just like to share my inspiration. My blog has never really had a purpose, other than to just share my wee little heart with all of my favorite people in the world, but now i feel like it might have a purpose! It can be a recommender of random things- books, movies, quotes, and whatnot. It's not like i haven't been doing that already, so i'm not changing anything. It just helps me to notice this pattern since all the other blogs seem to be about crafting, politics, homesteading, gardening, cooking, or whatever, and i just sort of blog about.... me. So anyway, i don't really have anything to offer this morning. I just wanted to write something. It's kind of like talking to myself. It's become sort of a habit with me. Have a lovely day all you lovely people out there. Make it a good one!

Ps. Since i'm sitting here patting myself on the back about less typos, i thought i should mention that i left all those i's uncapitalized on purpose.

Pss. Daniel wants to know why i want to have a blog for blogging if i'm just going to blog about blogging and other blogs.

 

days with frog and toad...

Have my blogs been a bit negative lately? For some reason I think maybe they have, but I'm not going to look. I think the fact that I don't want to look may be a good indicator. Well, I'll let you be the judge, but just know that it is not my intention to be gloomy. This morning when I woke up it was sunny and beautiful & I thought, maybe I can go out to the garden for a few minutes before we start school, but I decided instead to write a blog. The next thing I knew, I looked up and the sky was gray and sprinkling rain. Coincidence? Maybe. All I know is that showers will come, and they usually come in April. This morning I read a seemingly negative statement, not on my blog, somewhere else. At first glance it sounded uber depressing, but as I thought about it, it actually encouraged me... a lot. It said, "Maybe all one can do is hope to end up with the right regrets." I have a lot of regrets. My life is riddled with regrets. They follow me around, yes, like a little toad, or in this case a frog, but also like a kite tail, I must say. This blog can only hold one picture at a time, but the point that I'm trying to illustrate here is that I can't shake 'em. Everytime I look back, there they are, dancing and taunting me, begging for attention: I haven't taken as many pictures as I'd like...I haven't spent enough time playing with my kids... I need to pray more... and I've neglected long distance friends and relatives. These things bother me, and the fact that they bother me bothers me, but this morning I had a breakthrough with this little quote I found. I hope I don't soon forget it. These are the right kind of regrets. Though I'd rather not have any, if I'm going to have them, these are the ones I want to have. These are the things that keep me up at night, and I think I'm okay with that now. Maybe I'm not such a terrible horrible monster of a person. Maybe I just love the things that make life beautiful and as a created, creative, loved, loving being, I just want to keep moving forward. We all have regrets, I think. The trick is not regretting regrets. That kind of ultra negativity is debilitating. What are you lamenting? If you find your heart fighting for more of what's beautiful and lovely in life, I say let it fight.

P.s. I changed the title for this blog three times before I settled on this one. I'm not going to tell you my other choices, because I'm happy with this one. It's a title robbed from a beloved children's book- a family favorite. If you're not familiar with Frog and Toad, please familiarize yourself a.s.a.p.

 

really, really....

I don't really have time to blog right now, but really quick, I have something to say. Sometimes I really don't like the thoughts that go round and round in my head. When that happens, I get really quiet; I don't have anything to share. When I feel really awesome, that is when I start writing things down. So...

A. You may never know the rest of the story,

B. Not everything needs to be talked about, and...

C. The reason I am stating this most obvious fact is because, I was wondering where all of this babble comes from. I mean sometimes, once I get started?... well, you already know, don't you? When that happens, I think the answer is that my brain has to move really fast in order to make up for lost time. Don't ask me why. That's just the way of it. So, to sum up, I'm not always this chatty, but it's such a joy to think happy thoughts, really!

 

negative asset manager...

Today's blog will start with me saying, today is my birthday. I am forty today & upon waking, my handsome husband informed me that I am now over the hill. (He's four months younger than me.) I'm really not worried about being "over the hill". I just can't be bothered with that sort of thing. But to be honest, when he said that, in spite of all of the negative associations attached to that phrase, I thought, phew, what a relief. I mean, life is tough. In some ways and on some days, I'm ready to get off this crazy train. But now that I'm putting a little more thought into this, one does have to reach the top of the hill before geting over it, right? So for today, actually for this whole year, I must be on top of the hill. I like on top of the hill. I've made it this far, and it's a lovely lovely view, so I might as well enjoy it. If next year I am to begin the descent into the valley, so be it. Valleys are lovely, dark, and deep.... and lush and green .... and lovely. But honestly, I may just keep climbing. In the distance there are taller peaks as far as the eye can see, so as long as I'm in the climbing mood, I can just keep doing what I've been doing. At each summit, if I still feel like climbing, I guess I'll just keep going until it becomes necessary to climb down. I guess it's possible for the Lord to just pick me up at the top, too. There's always that option. When I was a little person and climbed way up into the tops of trees, I was never very good at climbing down, so I guess this is kind of like that. I do want to say, though, that although I am not concerned about this thing (turning forty), I think it's quite natural to do a bit of soul searching upon reaching this landmark. And so, I did mine while watching The Secret Life of Walter Mitty. I have to admit, it's a bit cheesy at parts, but it has a wonderful overall feel to it and a great theme: “To see the world, things dangerous to come to, to see behind walls, draw closer, to find each other and to feel. That is the purpose of life.” I've seen the movie before. As I was trapped in my room (because the kids were decorating), I thought I'm turning forty tomorrow...oh well, let's watch a movie. Walter Mitty. Perfect. Not at all like the usual scrolling and scrolling until you are so tired of looking that you just want to go to bed. When I saw Ben Stiller standing there with his brief case, I just knew. And I was right. Anywho, I robbed my title from there and the motto is nice, and, all in all, I really thought it made for an excellent transition into adulthood, since apparently that's where I'm headed.

 

the spleen...

The woods are lovely, dark, & deep. Normally I would have made that the title of this blog... actually, normally if I was feeling like the woods are lovely, dark, & deep, I probably just wouldn't blog at all, but this blog is meant to be a little backwards and upside down. I'll tell you why. Some people may think my blogs are uncaptivating, so this blog is meant to captivate. For those of you who do not know, the spleen is not only a dark red oval organ on the left side of the body, it is also often used as an obscure reference to feelings of morose and bad temper. Some people like to mention the spleen, a lot. I'm more of a kidney kind of gal myself. All the while that spleens are holding on to ill will, kidneys are curing and purifying and cleansing. I just came up with that. It's true, but it's kind of funny. I really do mention the kidneys about as often as Swift mentions the spleen, but there never was any logic to it until now. So let us start by saying an artist captures things that ought to be shared. I say ought, and I guess that's debatable, but I believe in sharing. Perhaps sometimes there are things that ought not to be shared, like when you are painting or singing or writing and all that comes out is anguish. That's not really helpful... or is it? I guess a little anguish now and then could be helpful. It helps people to see that you are human and that they are human, just incase someone happened to forget that. Regarding blogs, I realize that if all that's being offered is super sweet like Sugar Rush, people may leave a little hungry, but maybe that is just my calling. Maybe sometimes people need a break from beef jerky & Heroe's Duty. So my blogs are not lovely, dark, and deep. By keeping some parts of me hidden, I may appear to be tame and uninteresting, at worst, shallow, but I'm okay with that. I do have an abrasive side, it's just not my best side; and the world is exciting enough.

P.s. I know this blog sounds like all my other blogs, but I tried. I thought I was on the right track when I came up with that title. It was all downhill from there.

 

i, me, my...

I love it when I come to my blogging app & find an old blog that I never posted. That's what happened with my previous post. I am not currently at the coffee shop with Ben, but I was at the coffee shop with Ben, and I felt it blogworthy at the time, which is something special. Sometimes I feel self conscious about blogging. I never have been able to keep a journal before starting this online one, because I couldn't bear to go back & read what I had written. I was forever tearing out journal pages until one day I started over, here. I recently started a garden journal which is bound in such a way that if you tear out pages, the other pages start falling out, so I've taken to pasting pages together when I want to hide things- pretty brilliant, eh? Here on this blog I get a little insecure about the fact that I'm always talking about myself, how I feel about things & what not, like now, as I'm writing about how I feel about writing. I can't seem to break away from this writing about writing. It reminds me of this book we have called How to Read a Book. How do you read a book about how to read a book? The answer is, you don't. You hang in there until about 1/3 of the way through and then you make a conscious decision to stop reading said book. Anyway, I'm coming to peace with the fact that I may never stop writing about writing. It's really okay. If that's what keeps me going, I'm just going to go with it. But I do sympathize with those of you who receive these posts through email. I mean, only my dearest friends and family belong to that group, and you can't very well email me and ask me to stop or ask to be removed- sorry guys. But to my children who all love to write- maybe someday when you are stuck, you will find a friendly voice here, and I say to you, keep writing. Say something. Whatever is on your heart, put it on paper, on screen, or whatever, because those who love you want to know more about you, and those who don't know you, will wish they did when they are done. At least they will have had a glimpse of something real. So, now that we've got the preliminaries out of the way... on to the goods. This is always the way it happens, which is why I have learned to persevere. Sometimes I say some really silly things and I like that about myself. But what I like even more about that is the way that Ben and Daniel pick up on those ridiculous remarks and make known to me my own folly. You can't retract those things once they've slipped out. You can certainly keep them to yourself if you are quick enough, but what fun is that? There is something very freeing about laughing at oneself, and not needing to explain oneself, and knowing that you are loved even if you are very foolish. I think I should have liked to have been a fool if I had lived in medieval times. I can still be one today, but it just doesn't carry with it the same clout without the getup and garb and title. I think my biggest brag is that I once took an online quiz which qualified me as a traveling minstrel of ye olden days. I've sort of taken that on as my trademark I think. I'm sure I've blogged about it before. I realize that minstrels were musicians and I am not one, but I don't let that bother me. They also told stories and entertained & stuff. The best part is they were companions. They were endeared to those who accompanied them AND they got to travel. I'd much rather be a wandering fool than a situated master mind...though I admire both. That may be my folly, but you never know, it may also be my genius.

 

vamoose...

At the coffee shop with ben. I love at the coffee shop with ben.

 

write that down, SpongeBob...

I feel like I need to apologize for romanticizing every little commonplace thing I happen to encounter in this life, but whenever I have a supreme moment or experience, it is left up to me capture that greatness. If the brain is swirling with wonderment, how else to paint a worthy picture other than with lovely swirls and textures. Tonight was an epic evening, though nothing really extraordinary happened. We just went to a show, that's all, but the brief interlude was such a lovely string of events so suitably banded together that as I walked it out, I felt like I was watching my own life in a movie. Like all good things, it started with a feeling of discontent. I know that sounds weird. It just sort of came out, but think about it... when God said it was not good that man should be alone, did not he maketh woman?.... also when you feel bad about something you've said or done, does it not lead you to reconciliation? Good things can come from discontentment. Anyway this discontentment led me to want to do something different today. I had to get out of the house. Suddenly I had the bright idea to go to a movie. There's a new Miyazaki film that just came out called The Wind Rises & I knew that everyone would want to see it. I did a quick check & found it was playing in about an hour. So with a bit of scurrying around, a quick double braiding of one's hair, and a tallying of allowances, we were out the door. It was free parking day downtown. We flew into the parking garage did a quick parallel park & all six of us dashed down the stairs, down the street, & into the wrong theater. Luckily the right theater was only a block away. It was an old theater (built in 1942) & not very well kept, but super quaint, because it was so tiny & the seats were snug & we were all super cozy. The movie was bright & beautiful, just as one would expect. Emmeli leaned over & said, "I love his movies." But I'm telling you there was something in the air, it's really indescribable, but that's why they call it something in the air. As I looked around, everything was so picturesque. Maybe I was just inspired by the artwork in the movie, but I wanted to paint that little theater with it's red curtained walls, it's wonderfully tight seating plan, & all of those little heads poking up from the chairs in front of me. Maybe it's because we were all so close, but I felt strangely connected to that room full of grownup-sized fans of painted movies, though I don 't remember seeing one face. There were a couple of old ladies sitting behind us. I never looked back, but they giggled several times during the movie at things that weren't even funny. The giggles were so sweet & elderly; I promise they sounded just like some old ladies out of another Miyazaki film (probably Ponyo). Infact, I think that's what first caught my attention & alerted me to the fact that something special was happening. I was like, hey, what are they doing here? Actually I had my first hint as we rounded the street corner and smelled popcorn in the air and saw the guy up on the ladder changing the sign in front of the old theater. I just love it when people do things the old way, makes everything feel so legit. So, all of these things coupled with the excitement in Emmeli's eyes! You'd think that the two of us had never been to a show before, we were both so excited. There was another moment in the film where a small child in the theater laughed out loud, a high squealed, superbly babish laugh at just the right moment, as if it had been dubbed into my life story. Do you ever have those moments? where for a moment it's like everything is playing out in slow motion, everything is so perfect and you just want to hold on to and delight in it? I know even with all of this exhortation, I'll never relive this animated little short- the piling into and out of the theater, the dash to & from the car, Emmeli bubbling over with excitement in her little braids, & my childlike, in-tune amazement & wonder at this simple pleasure, a Sunday trip to the movies. It's not that I'll never go to the movies again, or that I'll not yet again marvel at life's simple pleasures, but the beauty of this particular night is cherishable & I want to keep it the only way I know how- filed away, documented, logged into my dearly beloved little commentary.

 

last but not least...

I know to the wrong ears this could sound ridiculous, but I really think this is so sweet. I'll do my best to tell you all about it. A couple of days ago we resurrected Mario Sunshine. (It's a video game.) It used to be our all-time favorite back when it was released in 2002. (That's so crazy. That was twelve years ago!) Maybe we didn't get it when it first came out; maybe it was 2003. Anyway, it's hard to say how long we played this game before it took a back seat to some other video game, but let's just say it became a meaningful part of our family history. Some families have a pool, or a boat, or a cabin in the woods upon which they build family memories; we had Mario Sunshine, and we were happy. In a book titled Story of Success, which I have not read by the way, it repeatedly mentions the "10,000-Hour Rule", claiming that the key to success in any field is, to a large extent, a matter of practicing a specific task for a total of around 10,000 hours. We were all quite good at the game, so I'm just going to assume that we played at least that much. So, 2003.... that means Snow was 7, Daniel was 4, Hannah- 2 & Emmeli- unborn. Assuming we played for at least a couple of years to allow for 10,000 hours, by the time we stopped playing I'm guessing Emmeli was at most 3. The kids have continued to play on and off over the years, but at some point it sort of fizzled out as a family objective. Recently, as I said, we've been playing again, really just for novelty purposes. We were going to see if we could beat the game in one night. Well, of course we didn't, but it has awakened in us a common goal once again. I'm glad I now have all this history recorded, but this was not the purpose of this post. What inspired me to write was this (1) Last night while holding Hannah's hand, with Em sitting on my lap, Ben holding my other hand, & Snow snuggling up next to me while we watched Daniel play his turn, I felt like my kids were all still quite small enough. That is very strange, because it's usually altogether the opposite feeling. I was just so thankful to be all together completely enthralled in this brightly colored world where you run around & spray things with water to beat a weird looking turtle-dog & rescue a pink princess. So that's #1. (2) Sunday night when we were playing, I went downstairs to make everyone a snack & Emmeli came down to keep me informed of what was happening in the story on the game. She told me, excitedly, that Koopa had kidnapped Peach because he thought she was his mommy (as if I didn't know). As she told me this as if it was new news, it dawned on me that this new development with its old familiar feelings for the rest of us was all new to her. The game was not new to her, it was playing it together that was new. It totally warmed my heart. It was an initiation of sorts into our little Mario Sunshine club, which I know sounds ridiculous, but I can't think of any other way to add the proper significance. Sometimes I feel like Em misses out on so many things that the older kids had when they were small, because now we have big (almost adult) kids & family dynamics have changed. When Snow & Daniel were still small, & Hannah was a baby, we were all about Winnie the Pooh and Chicka Chicka Boom Boom & PB&J Otter. Now we're all about the Avengers, & Clue, & the olympics. Not that Emmeli is a baby, but I'm talking about even when she was a toddler. We were just already over all of those books & games we had read/ played120 times over. We had already graduated into Emperor's New Groove, Little Big Planet, & Fantastic Mr. Fox. All of those things are great, they're my favorite, but they're not quite the Discovery Toys, Mother Goose type family times of old. So anyway, this is quite a blog & I have so many other things I should be doing; but life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.

 

daylight savings...

"I have to wake up at seven for it to be eight?! My life is ruined!" ~ Emmeli

 

jolly well right...

"So convenient a thing it is to be a reasonable creature, since it enables one to find or make a reason for everything one has a mind to do." ~from p. 44

 

long intro...

So, those of you who have been following my blog know that occasionally I just publish these seemingly random one-liners, usually stolen from something I've read... I won't say they are completely unoriginal, because they are indeed original, otherwise I would not have stolen them. I just happened not to be the originator. I do, however, try to always give credit to the author. I realize that since you do not live inside my head, you probably often wonder what in the heck the thing is supposed to mean, but I hope, that that is not the case. I hope it is, in the least, somehow thought provoking for you, even if it does not provoke the same thoughts which I am now thinking to myself.* So here's todays provocation, although I think it is a bit awkward to announce a one-liner, sort of takes away the whole effect. In fact, nevermind. I'm going to reserve it for another post. But, other than the fact that I'm just feeling a bit chatty & wanted to say a little bit more, I wanted to make apologies for not remembering where I stole this most recent line from. All I know is that it's on p.44. Sorry. I often jot these things down, but this time, I apparently forgot to include all of the necessary information. Also, you may notice a bit of catch up over the next few days, because I've accumulated a few of these on random scraps of paper & I want to be sure to deposit them here before they are lost. This is my savings place, where I save my musings for future reference, but you already know that. Thanks for sharing in my thoughts & feelings. I know if you are reading this you care about the writing side of me, which is not entirely the same as the face to face me & that means a lot.

* If you have ever seen the movie "Up", then this last sentence should be read in the voice of Doug. Sometimes, when I'm feeling wordy, my thoughts spew out in the voice of Doug. I love talking in the voice of Doug; & I would be happy to talk with the voice of Doug every day all of the time if people would not kill me for talking like Doug.

 

subdued apprehensive noncomformist...

"Often she fled from the wild beasts, forgetting that she was now a wild beast herself; and, bear as she was, was afraid of the bears."

 

apocalypse guru...

I don't really want to write about this, I just liked the title, but I'm just going to go with it. Since this year could very well mark the end of the world, let's talk about it. Have you ever looked up the word apocalypse? In Webster, it's defined as a cosmic cataclysm in which God destroys the ruling powers of evil. (We're just going with that definition for now.) So here's the burning question... Why are people so afraid of that?

old but new...

So I originally wrote this blog just before Christmas, but I never posted it. Today I decided to blog something (sort of a forced blog); and when I opened my app, I found this old blog here. I thought it was kind of sweet so I'm posting it. I think somewhere about half-way through, I knew I was just going to delete it, so I just kept rambling to see if I could somehow get inspired to write something worthwhile. So being that no one was ever meant to read this, this is kind of a treat for you. At the same time, it may serve as an explanatory apology as to why I haven't been blogging lately, namely because all efforts have been rather unsatisfactory. It may be interesting to note that today "I have nothing to write" just as I stated at the beginning of this old blog here, & I may very well have started today's blog in the same fashion. Also I am still dreaming about my bookshop. In fact, I've been working on an old book project non-stop for the past three days. (When I say non-stop, what I mean is that I do stop sometimes, but not very often.) We've been talking about talking in absolutes & exaggerations around here lately and how we should probably stop, but I'm sure I won't. Some people feel a need to romanticize and I think it's safe to include me in that general category. Those other people who live here may try to stop, but I doubt they will succeed. Incase you are wondering, the old book project I am working on is me categorizing all of our old books into a searchable database. It's pretty cool. So anyway, here's the blog. Ben finished my picture by the way. It's awesome! I love it so much. Anybody who wants to see it can email me & I'll send him/her a real live photo of it. Enjoy...

I have nothing to write. But sometimes even when you don't feel like writing, you just have to write something, even if you just embarrass yourself, even if you mispell words and use incorrect grammar. Because if you don't, and if you worry too much about what other people think, then you just become a clam, clammy & cold & hidden. Ben is painting me a picture. It's Albrecht Durer's Young Hare. It's one of my favorite paintings & I'm posting a copy of it here. My puppy just came in the room. He's so sleepy. It's 8am, but he slept in today. He usually gets up with me around 7, but this morning I was up before 5:30 & he wanted nothing to do with it. I really really have nothing to say, so let's just start the newsreel. It's almost Christmas. (My sleepy puppy has just decided to go back to sleep.) The fire is dying. The sun is a bright orange fireball, florescent orange, looking exceptionally trendy this morning. There's snow everywhere & the orange sun is casting a pinkish haze on the frosty trees. Next to the sky blue sky, I have to admit this is not my favorite combo. I never have been a fan of pink & blue together. I just want to swirl it around with the white snow & make lavender. The sun really is amazing though! but I'm trying not to stare because it's rude. Just outside my window there are several brown leaves still clinging to some low branches & I want to go outside & pluck them off. And now I'm completely distracted. K. The news. The kids have all been busy making Christmas presents, well almost all. Ben recently put up some barn beams in the house & they look awesome. Hannah & Em helped me clear all of the antiques out of the basement room & we're planning to make a sort of indoor fort down there. I wrapped all of my Christmas presents in red & black this year & they look awesome. We have a live tree. It is adorable. This year we have an Advent wreath. As we count down to Christmas, we light a new candle each week; & we read a section of the Christmas story each night (not just the story about wise men and angels, but the whole Christmas story starting with Adam & Eve & the promise to Abraham & prophesy, etc...). It's pretty neat. Ben plays guitar & we sing caroIs. Okay, this is unrelated, sort of, but I just remembered something. I think I have a new dream. I used to think I wanted to grow up & be a coffee pedlar or a photographer, but now I think I want to be a bookseller. Maybe I will have an adjoining coffee shop, kind of like a borders for used books. There's an old bookshop downtown and I want it, the whole messy place. I want to organize it & shelve it and sit behind the counter & wait to see who will come in; & if no one comes in, then I'll just read or work on my window display. I think this is the best way to grow old, in a bookstore with snow on the ground, and a coffee shop nearby.

 

fandom...

Last night I saw a movie & I had a dreadful thought. The movie man, aside from his character in the film, somehow holds a special place in my heart; and I thought, He's getting old. He may die soon. How tragic to think that one day he may be gone. The next rational thought came. You don't know this person. But I do. I do know him. I know him in many ways much more than I know the people that I see, for instance, at church. Some may be thinking, that is tragic- to feel more linked to a person on a screen than real live people. But the fact is that real people, face to face people, don't put themselves out there for all the world to see. They hide. In many ways, this person is also hidden from me. I've never sought to learn anything about his real life. I've never looked to see if he has a family, where he lives, what his hobbies are. That would just be weird. But whenever he comes to town, I always go to see what he is up to & I've never been disappointed. Like a poet or a painter or an amazing musician, I just admire him & this place for admiration in my heart will feel a little vacant when he goes. Seems weird, but I'm glad I can be open with you & not ashamed of the little thoughts I think. I guess as a small consolation I know I can always re-watch his films. Interesting to think that I will somehow feel a loss even though I will have really lost nothing. Nothing will have changed. The person I knew, the person I know now, will always be right where I left him, right where I last saw him, always available, yet I anticipate that a light will go out. This is an interesting phenomenon. By definition, that means it can not be reasoned out. It's just a feeling I have, a sense that touches on humanity and I'm sharing it with you. I wonder if we will have theater in Heaven. Surely we will... and books, and paintings, it's absolutely certain in my mind. I've just never thought of it before. I mean, the Bible talks of feasting... what about dinner and a movie? They're almost inseparable. And God is an artist. I just can't imagine heaven without art. Wow! "To die will be an awfully big adventure."

*quote is by Peter Pan; movie is The book Thief; noteable figure is Geoffrey Rush; dog in the picture is Lassie

 

just as i suspected...

I just remembered. Yesterday I had an idea for a blog, but then I forgot it. I know I've blogged about this before, but I have to remind myself when these things happen. So yesterday, we did a biology lesson that we were supposed to have completed last June. So we finally got around to it & it just so happened that what we learned in that science lesson touched on some things that we're currently discussing in some of our other classes. Also, the lesson explained a term that one of the kids recently used incorrectly which I desperately wanted to correct in the most intelligent way possible. Not to be tedious, but I really must explain, at least a little. About five years ago, we bought a microscope with prepared slides. We tried it out when we first got it, had some trouble with the lenses/ couldn't really see anything, & as a result put it away and I can't remember getting it out again until yesterday. Hold that thought. Now, yesterday we finally moved out of the chemistry section of our science book and into biology, which, as I mentioned, was supposed to take place in June. I had no idea what the first lesson would be, but I happened to have out our microscope because we're reading a biography of Antony Van Leeuwenhoek which is scheduled for this term. (Leeuwenkoek was the first to observe & record single-celled organisms under a microscope.) I won't attempt to explain every little detail about how all of this fits together, as this is really just a note-to-self, but you can see where I must be going with all of this. Obviously, it makes perfect sense to study biology while learning about the world's first microbe hunters. What you may not know is that a couple of days ago Daniel called me a single-celled chromosome, (unless he happened to send you a message from my personal email account in which he shared our private correspondence). I'm sure that you realize that it is impossible for me to be a single-celled chromosome as there is no such thing, but he now knows that he could have called me a single-celled paramecium or possibly a single-celled bacterium, although he still would have been incorrect. Speaking of kind words, that leads me to devotions. Yesterday we talked about being created in the image of God & in this science lesson we touched on that topic as well. We discussed how, while studying biology, we'll be covering the theory of evolution and how that relates to what we believe about the beginnings of life. So in order to keep things short & sweet, I'll leave you to connect the dots & see how all these lessons fit together. For myself, it's obvious that all of my concern about being "behind" in our science lessons was for not, because it is most obvious that this lesson had to wait 'til it's appointed time. It was the missing link that connected all of these other bits of learning. Sure I could have looked ahead and ordered tissue samples to look at as we discussed complex organisms & their tissues for our intro to biology; I could have coordinated a devotional study to discuss the idea of being made in the image of God and how that relates to the general theory of evolution; I could have done some research to find out who the "father of microbiology" was & planned to read his biography while learning about single celled organisms; I could have gotten out a dictionary to prove to Daniel that he needed to brush up on his insults. I could have done all of those things, but the fact is, I didn't.

 

great day in the morning...

I love drinking chai/coffee just as the sun is coming up. I wake up to a dark room with dark windows, so I focus on the task at hand. I sit down with my cup & sip sip sip, then suddenly I look up and the sky is bright and I'm awake all at once. It's like magic.

 

just to name a few of my quirks...

Responses to me asking, "Hey, you there... What are some of my quirks?"

Daniel~ "Really, that's a good way to get grounded."

"Sometimes out of nowhwere you get really playful, I like that quirk, I think that's an awesome quirk."~Snow

"What's a quirk?" ~Emmeli

"A quirk? You are a quirk." ~Hannah

Ben~ "I know better."

I like the names Millicent, Maximillian, & Magnus; bunnies make me happy, (they don't have to be real bunnies, just bunnies); most of the things that make me happy, also make me sad somehow. These things are kind of quirky, I guess. These things are not strange or odd, but I don't really know the why about them, and I guess that's what makes them quirks in my mind. Millicent is kind of a weird name. Why do I like it? I guess the truth is, my biggest quirk is that I like things that are quirky. I wrote this blog because Daniel, out of nowhere, gave me this title & said it would make a nice blog title. Now here I am, stuck, with nothing to say. I immediately opened my writing pad hoping Daniel & I could do a little group writing project together, but Daniel acquiesced. Smart boy. Snow caught wind of the idea & opened her writing notebook as well. We're proud of our quirks here. If you don't have quirks, then what do you have? One of Snow's quirks is that she usually only brushes one side of her head when she brushes her hair. (She gave me permission to write that.) Now that is a true quirk, not like liking bunnies. I mean, who doesn't like bunnies? I guess the thing about quirks is that you can't announce your own. You just can't. So I guess Daniel was right, it makes a great blog title, but he was right again when he bailed. You really can't blog about your own quirks, or at least you shouldn't.

 

collectables...

I'm greedy.... greedy, grasping, covetous. This is why I like mushrooms and words and finger puppets and every other kind of collectable, why I want coffee every morning and why I collect quotes on Pinterest. This is why I want my dog to have puppies, why I want more kids, why I have a garden. Collectable. Friends, moments, feelings, they're all collectable, & I want more. I always want more. This is not my favorite thing about myself.

 

mice are people too...

This image is from the storybook Mary's Marvelous Mouse. There's another story which you may know called The Lion and the Mouse, where a little mouse is a good Samaritan. In fact there are many many stories where mice are sweet and smart, and your mother probably read you those stories when your little brain was still developing, and so in this way you were probably brainwashed as a child into thinking that mice deserve to live. Let me refresh your memory with a few more... Dr. De Soto (who is by the way a dentist), Frederick, Stuart Little, Alexander from Alexander and the Wind-Up Mouse, & more recently, Despereaux. Beatrix Potter wrote about mice all the time. On screen there are the little mice in Cnderella, the little French-speaking baby mouse from Tom & Jerry, & poor sick little Timmy in The Secret of Nimh. So, to get to the point, I think to go through a sort of crisis of conscience when it comes time to rid your house of these darling creatures is quite normal. Our preferred method of removal is to trap the little buggers & escort them out into the wild where they might have a chance at meeting some nice country fellow who will have them in for tea. Recently, we unknowingly sent away someone's mum in this way. There were actually several someones, and they all showed up in the basement wondering where she was when she never came home from the family grocery one morning. So, although I've admittedly grown a little callous towards these fellows after 3 years of catch & release, I have to say, at the sight of these uber tiny, helpless, little orphans (who had fur by-the-way), I've had a temporary change of heart. Nearing the end of my little excerpt, as I will hastily wrap up all that I wanted to say (as I am now out of time), we have the little cuties all tucked in and are now feeding them homemade oat milk round-the-clock with a paintbrush. Their names are irrelevant, but they do have names; nonetheless, they will be staying only until we get them all fitted out with backpacks and what-not, so they can make their journey out into the wild to find their mother. The end.

 

friends in high places...

Hello blog... just stopping by to say hello. Yesterday was Ben & Hannah's date night. They had dinner together, watched some artsy version of Aladdin, ate ice cream, & went for a late night walk down our unlit country road. I know they saw some bats and looked at the stars, but other than that I can't say much about it, because I wasn't invited. ^_^ Daniel, Snow, Emmeli, & I all watched Shirley Temple. Daniel really likes the Shirley Temple movies, which I think is pretty cute. He did purposely look for one that had guns in it though. Kinda weird, huh, sitting down to watch Shirley Temple & reading the descriptions to find which cute little movie with the cute little girl has some sort of battle scene in it? 0_O Well, you can't have a battle scene without someone dying, and someone did die. It was Shirley's friend (a Scottish general) & he was so sweet. It was kind of sad, but I know he didn't really die, because it was just a movie. Anywho, the kids wondered why I thought the guy was Scottish. He was wearing a kilt, had a pretty thick Scottish accent & was always hanging out with this one guy who played the bagpipes. You can decide for yourself. So this reminds me... Yesterday Snow & I went out together (we had to go to WCC) and two people told us we looked like twins. We were not dressed at all alike & Snow had on a headband & I did not. The other day we went out together & the same thing happened, but the cutest of all was this little old Indian man we ran into at Whole Foods. He had such a strong Indian accent, like the guy in Terminal who says, "Do you have an appointment?" Like the others, he asked if we were twins, & after we chatted with him for a sec, he said "God Bless." I didn't think much of it, because it's kind of a generic thing to say. I thought he was just being nice & possibly talking about a god that I'm not familiar with. I just smiled and said the same. So, a few minutes later we were checking out & there he was again, & he was talking again. He asked where Snow went to school & when she said she was homeschooled, he said, "Oh, so you can learn to say things like God bless." You have to understand that his accent was such that you almost couldn't understand what he was saying, but I heard that & at this point I really started to pay attention. He went on to ask Snow if she knew about Girls on the Run & Upwards Basketball and I'm thinking How does this guy know about these things? I wasn't thinking that so much because he was Indian, but because of his age. These are fairly new organizations. Anyway, he went on to ask us where we go to church & invited us to his Baptist church & I just can't tell you how cute & smiley he was; & so full of surprises too! It totally made my day. This picture is titled Little Rider from the Way-Away Land, which I think is rather appropriate. ^_^

some people are easily amused...

So this is what I liked most about my trip to Cedar Point.. I liked listening to the announcer for our first ride who didn't speak English very well. He only knew key words like line, hands inside, seatbelt.... The rest of the announcement sounded like all one word, and it sounded to me like Rastafarian, but Ben said it was Ukrainian. Ha. ^_^ Have you ever heard Rastafarian rap? or can you imagine being at a public auction in Jamaica? It was something like that. I also loved our little chat with the young lady we bought our lunch from who was most definitely from Jamaica. I loved the look on her face when she sat back in her chair and grinned with slightly raised eyebrows & told us the 3 burgers & 2 orders of chicken tenders with water & no fries totalled $53. I liked seeing the rides all lit up as we were leaving. I loved carrying & cuddling my 9 year old daughter as if she was 3, because she felt completely out of sorts after getting off a ride that even I was terrified to get on. (Daniel would say that the fact that I was terrified to get on that ride is not saying much, but I looked it up and it's one of the tallest and fastest roller coasters in the world. It's called the Millenium Force if you want to look it up.) When I got off that ride, there were only two things on my mind, TOO MUCH & TOO SOON. But this is a blog about what I liked about the park, so what else? Hmmm. Think. Think. Think. There was a girl who stood in line behind us for about 2 hrs. who didn't say much or smile much even though she was with a friend. I got the impression that she had been through a lot for someone so young and that she was a bit "mad at the world". Then, at the very end of the line as we were getting on the ride, she gave up her spot in line so our family could ride together. She smiled and her eyes were bright & she said, "You have a very lovely family." I appreciated the compliment, but what I liked most was seeing that dramatic change in her expression. She looked like a different person & I learned something about making judgements about people. (I was still thinking about that when I went to bed last night.) It was sweet the way Snow & Hannah walked hand in hand through the park at times. I got to eat dippin' dots. It cracked me up to see Ben throw money to the wind all day, but then get really annoyed when he had to pay $2 for a locker because they wouldn't let him take his bag on a ride. That was funny to me. At one point during the day I whispered in Ben's ear, "Want to hear a secret? I don't really like amusement parks." I don't think I've ever told anyone that before. For some reason, I find that a little embarrassing. He whispered back, "I already knew that about you." ^_^ Periodically throughout the day he would lean over & say, "Everything's okay." Even though it was perfectly obvious that everything was okay, I appreciated the reminder. I have such a lovely family. I haven't mentioned Daniel yet, but I will. ^_^ At the end of the night when we divided up some cotton candy, when choosing between pink & blue, Daniel studied both bags very carefully to see which one had more, then said, definitively, not "I'll take that one" or "I'll take pink", but "I like pink cotton candy." (You can picture here a cute little boy about five years old snatching & hugging a bag of cotton candy like a pillow or a stuffed teddy.) In his defense, Daniel has informed me that blue cotton candy stains your mouth. ^_^ You're so cute, Daniel. I love you, buddy.

 

the unnamed...

"(Courage) is when you know you're licked before you begin, but you begin anyway and see it through no matter what." ~a quote from To Kill a Mockingbird. That book made me laugh. I can remember when I read it a few years ago. I'd be in a waiting room or sitting on a park bench and I would just laugh & giggle & never look up to see who was watching. I need to read it again. But I saw this quote just recently and it reminds me of Snow- especially the part where it says no matter what. Yesterday we (or I) had a good laugh about the "unnamed". Just to clarify, I wasn't really laughing at the unnamed itself, I was laughing at Snow's reaction to the fact that someone tried to mention it in reference to a song, while remaining vague on the details so as not to create an ordeal. I know you must be curious, & I would love to describe her reaction, but I don't think I can. Maybe one day I'll be a better writer & I'll come back to it. Anyway, we don't like talking about the unnamed, especially so close to Christmas, but the thing is of no conseqence, so don't worry that I'm not going to tell you what it is. It's Snow's courage that we're talking about here & it's her courage that I want you to remember. I will never forget what she did, (especially since we have it on video tape...and now on my blog). It was a daring choice, mindfully decided. It may be funny, it will always be funny, but more than that it's remarkably revealing, showing the world just what she's made of. It's like this... Einstein said, "If you judge a fish by it's ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid." Snow, you looked at that tree and you jumped, and flapped your tail, and tried to wiggle your way up into the branches. You did it, not because you wanted to be a tree creature, but to overcome the fear that would keep you from jumping out of the water; and you did it by your own choice. You've got moxie! You are nothing to laugh at. You are absolutely lovely, strong, inspiring, and brave beyond measure. You looked your worst fear in the face and refused to back down. All those who were distracted by the monkeys couldn't see it, but really there was nothing to see anyway. "What is essential is invisible to the eye." ~Le Petit Prince (1943)

 

recent unpleasantness...

Not really. There's no unpleasantness here, and if there was, I certaintly wouldn't be advertising it. ^_^ "Come and live with me in peace and safety, away from all the Wangdoodles, and Hornswogglers, and Snozzwangers, and rotten, Vermicious Knids." What I did want to say is that life is grand and terrible and I hope you are all strapped in tight. I have no time to babble on about it this morning, but if you have any questions, I'll be available from 3:15 - 5pm. I'm on a tight schedule, you know. All questions must be submitted in writing. "Never never doubt what nobody is sure about." This illustration is titled The Girl Who Trod on a Loaf and it's by Jennie Harbour. Enjoy.

 

i saw a deer today...

Actually, it was yesterday, but it was a very busy day. First, there was an early morning delivery of a very large dog bed, then lunch with friends, followed by a trip to the park. There was an unplanned stop at the music store which resulted in the unexpected leasing of a cello. After that, a quick stop to pick up the ipad replacement, and then we rushed off to see our friends one last time before leaving to pick up Daniel. After picking up Daniel, we stopped at the store to pick up dinner, came home & cooked it, & watched SpongeBob before bed. Earlier in the day, when we were on our way to lunch with friends, was when we saw the deer. It was a doe & she had THREE fawns with her & they still had their spots. It was beautiful. It really was lovely, I felt like nothing could wrong on that day after such a lovely site. Also, I was so happy to be picking Daniel up from camp, but it really was a funny day. I hadn't realized it yet, but little by little, as the day progressed, I started to feel like Kazuko from The Girl Who Leapt Through Time when she just sort of accepted that anything that could go wrong was going to go wrong, and I began to feel as if I should make my choices accordingly. It's kind of hard to explain. It's not like an Eeyore mentality, like oh well that's just the way it is; and it's not like Piglet, always frightened of what will happen next or Rabbit who is just grumpy. I accepted it quite gracefully, I think, except when I completely lost my cool because we were late to pick up Daniel and someone accidentally dropped a Subway sandwich onto their foot, and leg, the chair, the door, the carpet, and everywhere else that it landed along with it's mustard, mayonaise, vinegar & oil etc... Other than that, the fact that I left the house without walking the dogs, left my purse at the music shop, left Subway without paying, didn't really overly upset me. Of course I wasn't thrilled about any of those things, & over the course of the day I noticed a definite pattern, but I just kept moving forward & it all turned out fine. I definitely do get flustered when I'm late for things, & yesterday was no exception (I hate being late!), but the deer, & the park, seeing little Emmeli with a giant cello on her back, the bike that Ben found which I forgot to mention, & getting to see Daniel, a beautiful afternoon at the park with friends, etc... One has to take these things into account. Like I said, there was something wonderful about that doe & her three babies & I just knew when I saw that, that nothing could go wrong on that day.

 

that sweet plastic smell...

Today's blog inspired by my new delicate vanilla scent. ^_^ I wrote a haiku about it for Daniel. He's at summer camp and I only get to communicate with him via email, and he has no way to email me back. It's really kind of a fun way to chat with someone--- when they can't say anything back. Here's my haiku. I wrote it in my head, right before I fell asleep. So glad I remember it. It's a good one...

I smell like bug spray

Be glad you didn't take it

It doesn't wash off

So, I did a little research and there are people out there who actually want to smell like this. There is a whole website dedicated to forums for people who want to talk about the way things smell. It's called fragrantica.com. Seriously. Check it out. If you want to add a little bit of nostalgia to your day & reminisce about your long lost Cabbage Patch doll, you can get a 'vegan perfume oil' called New Doll. Another option is Harajuku Lovers Wicked Style Baby Perfume. This smell has been described as marshmallow, baby powder, vanilla-ish, or just 'that sweet plastic smell'. Some people were searching for 'perfume that smells like plastic Barbie doll head'. One person described the smell as vanilla-sweet-powdery-bubblegum; and one of the perfumes was advertised liked so- sexy but in an innocent girlish dolly-like naivete. ^_^ I had so much fun with my research and really learned a lot, like how to spell naivete. So I just wanted to share, but I also wanted to show off my haiku. This really all started because Ben doesn't really appreciate the Barbie head smell as much as some, so in self defense, I reminded him that that vanilla scent is really desirable in the baby doll market. Anyway, I shared my haiku with Ben & he made up one to help Snow remember to feed the fish, and we went to bed. So, that is all. For those who are interested & want a cheaper alternative to the baby doll scented perfumes available, try Repel Natural, deet-free insect repellent- available at REI with a 100% satisfaction guarantee. Enjoy!

 

one of my favorite things...

Just walked by the school room & Ben was singing a song from The Sound of Music with Emmeli. He wasn't goofing off, simply singing sweetly along with the tune of My Favorite Things while half distracted, because his arm was in the fish tank. It was so so sweet.

 

sound of music...

Emmeli has discovered The Sound of Music Radio on Pandora. ^_^ "It has all the classics!" ~like My Fair Lady, Fiddler on the Roof, Mary Poppins, Annie, and ofcourse The Sound of Music. "It has all the good songs." She just likes to lie on the floor with the ipad & sing along. I love it. I like to sing along too, though I'm sure that comes as no surprise. As our friend Julie Andrews once said, "I would be a fool to deny my own abilities." What a wonderful daughter I have, so smart, so musical, & so retro. As a side note, occasionally a song from Grease will pop up & Emmeli always skips. ^_^ Instinctively she knew to skip! Without any instruction! I'm telling you, this kid is a genius.

 

merry-go-round...

99% of my blogs are about either dieting, kids, pets, book quotes, or mowing. They just keep going round & round. Just want to let you know that I know. Some blogs are just about blogging, which is kind of embarrassing. K? That's all for today.

 

stealing from the cookie jar

I can't say this about all of life, but when it comes to dieting, cheating is better than quitting. Just sayin.

 

hungry like a wolf...

*Confession- I changed the date for this post, because I finally went one whole month without posting anything and I'm not ready to let that happen. I'M SO ASHAMED! (I did set the time as the last possible moment in June, so I can remember what a procrastinator I am & how I almost didn't make it. ^_^ Anyway, last nite at 11:59 PM I was involved in a noble cause. I was helping Snow turn in her story for a writing contest, which was, incidentally, also being submitted at the last possible moment.)

*Truth- I'm only one day late AND I actually started this blog last month. I just never finished it...

I will here quote a description for Don Abbondio, a despicable character from Manzoni's I Promessi Sposi (ie. The Betrothed). "I have borrowed it because it suited my purpose, and told where I got it, that I might not take credit due to others: so let not one think that it is a plan of mine to proclaim that the author of this little book and I are like brothers, and that I rummage at will among his manuscripts." This too is a quote from Manzoni, because he was also a borrower of words and I share his sentiments. There may be other Manzoni quotes here and I will not mention every one. Just read the book and you will know. This will be one of my little tributes to him, I'm sure there will be others. This blog is not really supposed to be about Manzoni, though, it is about my dog, Owen. I love him truly, he is my good & faithful dog, but I promise you he would sooner chew my arm off than save me if I were to ever come under assault. Let me explain. Manzoni said that Abbondio, if he were obliged to take part in a quarrel "favoured the stronger, always with a reserve, and an endeavor to show the other that he was not willingly his enemy." This is Owen, although I'm not so sure about this last part, because Owen is quite willing to gnaw me to death under the slightest provocation. In his defense, it is as if he would say, "Why did you not manage to be stronger? I would have taken your side then." This is the dog who follows me from room to room as I move around the house during the day, the one who lays his chin on the table next to me when I'm working and sometimes sits his 150 lb. self on my lap. He has this very strange instinct to always take the winning side, like Don Abbondio, though I am sure it is for an entirely different set of reasons. If Daniel attacks me, Owen attacks me. If I attack Daniel, Owen attacks me (because he knows I will lose). You might think, well Owen just likes Daniel, and you would be right in thinking that, Owen does like Daniel; but nevertheless if Daniel attacks Ben, Owen will turn on Daniel in an insant, and leave Daniel in the same stupefied, sad state of bewilderment that I have experienced time & time again. Daniel doesn't attack Ben as often as he attacks me; he's kind of like Owen in that respect, he likes to win. ^_^ But that is beside the point, moving on, you see what I mean about Owen? What did I tell you? Highly suspicious behavior for a dog, I'd say. Fortunately Sage usually comes to my rescue and Owen is always very sorry, so I forgive him and we will always be pals. But I just had to share this (1) because I needed something to blog about (2) because Manzoni is fast becoming one of my favorite authors & I wanted to deposit him here (3) because I never want to forget this silly dog and his antics. He makes me smile. He's so silly and sweet and loyal, well sort of. So, it's been nice chatting with you. Check out the book. It's great!

 

gipsy on my porch...

Found a little baby bunny living in the myrtle. It was Ben. He was watering. The bunny got wet, and actually it was bunnies, but Gipsy has a little white stripe on his head. He was Ben's favorite, I heard it in his voice when he held him for the second time after he told me we couldn't keep it. So we set him back down where we found him, both times. But he stayed, he or she stayed, and I named him Gipsy, and we are keeping him, in the myrtle.

 

let the sunshine in...

Me: (looking at a slightly eerie black & white picture of trees and an old graveyard in the mist) "Oooh, that's pretty." In my defense, there was a beautiful iron gate & light shining thru the trees.

Emmeli: (looking over my shoulder & giggling) "Ummm, I wonder what it would look like on a sunny day."

Bahahahah!

bedazzle...

Have you ever felt like your heart starts running ahead of you & you're just trying to keep up? ...like I feel this way, but I don't know if it's the right way to feel. If you are unsure about something, you probably don't want to admit your feelings about it, but this time the feeling is so strong you just want to sing it out loud. This feeling is undeniable, but you know that by revealing it you are sharing something about yourself that is a mystery even to you.... a spark of truth about yourself that you may not grasp the significance of. This makes you vulnerable and some may deem it unwise to send unshielded sparks flying out into the universe unaided, unprotected, and unchaperoned, but these little sparks may have nothing to do with you. Life is a collaboration & maybe someone else needs to see that spark or even catch it. Some may be frightened by it, but that in itself means nothing. Sometimes you just have to be vulnerable if you want to be a part of this world, but since you are not invincible, you do have to understand that there is danger. You may want to send your spark with a little umbrella. I like throwing myself out there, it's exhilarating. There's no pride in it really, because deep down there is uncertainty, but there is freedom in breaking away... freedom in trusting that you can be who you are. You can make known who you are, even if you are wrong, because it is o.k. to be wrong. Faith is what fuels sparks. It's what gives us courage and wings. I have sparks, little pieces of me that may not be understood, but they're simply undeniable. Am I to smother my own self? Though I be imperfect, if I can share the unfinished, unpolished pieces of me, they may fit together with somethings sitting all alone inside of you. These things may all come together in someone else. This is how we go together. This is living.