need sleep...

really cute...

Emmeli~ Come here. I have to show you something really cute...and it's not me.

that's my girl...

Hannah~The great thing about being a girl is you can wear boy hats and you can wear girl hats.

snappy not snap pea!...

Hannah has this cute little habit of snapping her fingers. She's doing it all the time now. When she gets excited, she snaps her fingers. It's the cutest thing. I just wanted to remember it.

status update...

Me thinks that taking care of two children is too easy. Totally missing Snow and Daniel while they're away at camp this week! Today is day one of 4!!!

shhhh.....

What can I say at this moment? Often times, when I'm blogging, I don't actually look for a picture to represent my thoughts until after I have written. The right picture always seems to present itself and that is a lot of the fun of blogging. This time, I'm actually working in reverse. I'm just looking for an excuse to use this picture. =) I found it yesterday when I was trying to help Snow upload a cute image to her new cell phone. She ended up choosing a kawaii picture of a mama cat and her kittens. Really, this picture makes me think of my three girls and their individuality, but I'm way to hyper right now to go into all that. So I think I will simply post my new flowers and keep my thoughts to myself.

natural beauty...

Why is it that we have to tell ourselves things like, "follow your heart?" Shouldn't that come naturally?

"Let the beauty of what you love be what you do."

(I didn't make that up. I saw it on a piece of jewelry. )

hunter gatherer...

I don't know why I have this hoarding mentality, but I am a pack rat, collector, treasure monger. I like to gather up beautiful things and precious things and tuck them away. The problem is that I'm so good at this, that I often forget about the things that I've stored so neatly as I'm moving on to the next. I guess this isn't so tragic when referring to little charms and books and baby clothes, but I think this tendency applies to other areas of my life. There are things in my life that I love dearly and I don't want anything to happen to them, so I tuck them under my arm as I go about seeking a new adventure, another blessing. There's something in me that trusts that they will always be there and there's an excitement in me that can't wait to enjoy what I have, but the tendency is there to be forward moving adding to my stash of promising beauty. Lord, please help me grab hold of what I have before I become like the dog who loses his bone trying to get another from his own reflection.

rain rain....

It's raining! =) I love rain! I also love the cool weather we've been having this summer. I know I've probably complained just as much as everyone else, but really, it's been lovely. It's like the longest spring ever! And I love spring. Why do we always have to complain about the weather? If it's hot, we wish it were cold. If it's cold, we wish it were hot. I'm in love with this weather, and tomorrow if it's 90 degrees I'm going to love that too.

for you...

Something beautiful for my two most devoted followers. You make my day. Love you!!!!

sweet character...

Snow's result from the "What famous literary character are you?" quiz.

Snow is Frodo Baggins from J.R.R. Tolkien's most famous fantasy series. She's one of the most kind and loyal friends a person can have. She's committed to always doing what she feels is right, even if she doesn't always succeed. Her purity and devotion can turn some people away, but most love her and consider her trustworthy. Despite her rather timid disposition, she's actually exceedingly brave when the time calls for it. She's driven by a powerful sense of duty, even if she's most comfortable living a dull, boring life at home. Most would criticize her for being naive, but their opinions don't matter to her. She may not be very multidimensional, but who needs depth when she's got so much happiness? =)

right-of-way...

Yay..I'm back to blogging. Now I just need to get back to riding my bike and eating healthy and doing a morning devotion. I guess I should have mentioned that first- kind of important. I think I can...I think I can... I think I can...

unexplainable...

I wish I could remember what Snow said to me the other day. I don't even remember what we were talking about. Oh yeah... I think I was complaining that I wasn't going to get to go on my bike ride because it was raining. Snow said something like..."I don't know why people are so afraid to get wet, I like going out in the rain." I guess it wasn't so profound, which is probably why I didn't blog about it right away, but there was something about that coming from Snow that sort of stuck with me. It is so like her to say something like that. She is definitely her own little person. It doesn't matter to her what everyone else is doing, but at the same time she is so unrebellious about it. Like taking a walk in the rain- it's bold, yet utterly humiliating. I know I am way too deep about these things, but I feel that there's so much more to this than I am able to express.

The idea makes me think of the time that Ben's mom told me how sometimes you have to love someone, even if they don't love you back. I was wrestling with the feeling of not being angry with someone who was treating me poorly, I think. I don't remember, but anyway this is the thing that Snow has mastered. Most of the world says, "who cares what they're doing" and that fuels they're own decisiveness or "who cares what they think" and that helps them get over being hurt. But I do care, so I become trapped. I'm not able to brush things off in order to move on. Snow cares deeply about other people, but she doesn't let those cares drive her around. She knows how to care and keep right on walking, her own way, inoffensively, even if she's drenched to the core, and she never looks back.

I know this won't make sense to anyone but me, but it's my blog, right?
Snow knew that I was blogging about her when I wrote this, so I let her read it, because I wanted to see if it made any sense whatsoever. She said I did a good job of explaining something that's unexplainable. =)

jane eyre...

I like this. It takes all my bad points and makes them sound so nice...

(my results from the quiz-what famous literary character are you?)

I am Jane Eyre from Charlotte Bronte's classic masterpiece. I spend much of my life torn between the desires of my heart and the choices I feel are most logical. I'm a smart person who is very resilient, romantic, strong, and forgiving. I have a lot of love to offer people, if they're willing to look past my eccentricities to find it. I spend much of my time in a state of humble, thoughtful silence, yet I'm not afraid to get assertive when the situation calls for it. I've never been one to conform to society's rules, even if that means making unpopular decisions. People will try to change me, but I'll never let them. Above all else, I'm a Romantic with my own set of beliefs and desires. In the end, everyone knows I'm going to make the right decision.

stolen treasure...

I love my blog. Sometimes I like to come here just to look at the pictures. Because I spend so much time picking them out, and thinking about what I want to say, these images now carry special meaning for me. Each one represents a feeling or a memory, which is awesome, because I love these old pictures. I feel like I have stolen them and made them mine.

the perfect date...

My favorite thing to blog about...date night. Emmeli really knows how to plan a date. There's no driving around in the car trying to think of something to do. She has it all planned out. Last night she wanted to go to McDonald's to get chicken nuggets & french fries. (Apparently she didn't know what a happy meal was, so the Beanie Baby was a total surprise. She now wants to go back next date night so she can start a collection.) After McDonald's she wanted to go to the toy store. So we did, & she hopped about on the colored squares on the floor. Then we looked at toys for about 5 min. before she came to the sidewalk chalk. She knew immediately that that was what she wanted -not at all like her mother in that respect. She wanted to leave right away so we could use it before it got dark. So we drove to the school park and drew a rainbow and some flowers on a bit of white concrete. I wrote Mom loves Emmeli, and then Emmeli wanted to show me how she could do the monkey bars all by herself. After that, I pushed her on the swing, & then I wrote Emmeli Mountain on the brand new black top, and Emmeli helped me color the petals of my white daisy with rainbow colors. She trailed behind me trying to catch crickets as we made our way back to the car.

When we got home, I scooped some vanilla ice-cream for us & topped it with blueberry crisp; and we sat in front of the computer to watch SpongeBob on Youtube. That was actually my idea, but Emmeli was happy to watch while we ate our dessert. We watched SpongeBob-Skill Crane. I hadn't seen that one. I felt like I had though, because one afternoon Daniel recited the whole thing for me almost word for word. Well, after that we played Indiana Jones -Lego version, which was what she really wanted to do. We didn't play for long. That game is really frustrating. Anyway it was time for sleep, so I brushed Emmeli's teeth & my teeth at the same time and it was off to bed. This picture is the perfect representation of our evening together. I felt like I was being led around by little Emmeli who was in complete control. Even when we played the video game she was saying, "Come on Mom, I know the way." Don't I look beautiful in that bonnet?

queen of the moment...

"You know what makes me special... having you for a mom." ~Emmeli (completely out of the blue as she was sitting on the counter watching me prepare to make blueberry crisp)

classic...

This morning we were listening to classical music while eating breakfast and it was seriously getting on my nerves. It was just one of those songs that, no matter how amazing of a work, it's just plain annoying. So with great composure I said something like, "If someone doesn't turn that off, I'm going to lose my mind!" Then Hannah said, "That's probably why I've been getting so many headaches...too much classical music." So Daniel said, "Hannah, classical music makes you smarter." She said, "I know. That's why it gives me a headache."

yuck...

Trader Joe's organic chocolate chip cookies are gross. I don't know why I keep buying them.

asleep...

This morning Daniel & Hannah were the first ones up. I was still in bed and I hadn't planned on getting up today, but I noticed when I opened my eyes that the new Spongebob coloring book with 1000 stickers was missing off my bedroom floor. I have some gifts to pass out to the kids, because I just got home from a trip (Steph's wedding). So, I managed to make it upstairs with the remaining gifts and discovered Daniel with my new..., I mean Emmeli's new coloring book. Hannah was super excited about the gifts and went to wake up Emmeli & Snow. She woke Emmeli first. Emmeli got up to take a look, but showed very little excitement and walked back to her bed. Then, trying hard to be friendly, she said, "Hannah, Next time I'd rather you wake me up when I'm not asleep."

enough is enough...

I am so thankful for my family and all that I have been blessed with. Sometimes I get so ambitious. I want to be better, do more, try harder.... and it is so easy to get locked into that mindset. I love it when I can just calm down and say everything is wonderful, just the way it is.

deep thoughts...

Have you ever heard of the Tao of Pooh? I'm not into Taoism. I don't know much about it anyway, but I love that there's a whole philosophy behind Winnie-the-Pooh. I can't wait 'til someone writes a book about the way of SpongeBob. Wouldn't it be great to have a calendar with a spongy thought to ponder for each day of the year! I don't care what anyone says, I think SpongeBob is an excellent role model...

happiness is a fresh vocabulary...

Have you ever noticed how some parents sort of encourage their kids along when they invent their own words for things? For instance, if a child says nana for banana, then the parents just start saying nana too. Well I've never really been one of those parents. No matter how cute, I have generally corrected the children's vocabulary. That's really embarrassing to admit. You're probably thinking, wow, this lady has serious issues. Actually, if you're reading this, then you probably already know. But anyway, yesterday I had a breakthrough. I caught my 5 year old (she's actually 5 now) saying "hanitizer" instead of hand sanitizer =) and I let it slide. Yep... didn't say a word. It was a beautiful moment worth blogging about.

sunny disposition...

My how the time flies!!! I can't believe it's been 19 days since my last post. What I can't believe even more than that is that I actually kept up with this consistently for 4 months! Recent highlights:

My 12 year old daughter (almost a teenager) loves to be with me. We recently had a night out and she left her side of the table to come sit right next to me. She also wants to hold hands wherever we walk. I am so blessed. She has such a wonderful personality! She sees the best in everyone. We went to Zingerman's for dinner and our waiter was kind of a stick in the mud. When he came over to greet us, my first thought was, "what's his problem." But as he was leaving, Snow said something like, "I think our waiter is one of those people who is afraid he's going to mess things up." So, I was softened and felt she was right. Then he did mess things up. He never brought us any bread before dinner, and when dinner came he poured my clam chowder all over Snow's potatoes and served me a bowl of gravy. =) I didn't care at all. I just asked if he would bring some bread and told him about the mix up. He offered to bring Snow more potatoes, but she actually liked it. The next time he came to the table Snow said, "Really, don't worry about the mix up. I like it. I think you should make a habit of it." And he smiled. I don't know where she gets it from, but Snow is a sheer joy to be around!!! Beautiful in every way!!!

ps...

also, i was born on a thursday...which means i have far to go. i've always wondered which one i was. out of all the options, i think this one fits me best. how is it that the person who wrote that nursery rhyme in 1838 knew that about me?

Monday's child is fair of face,
Tuesday's child is full of grace,
Wednesday's child is full of woe,
Thursday's child has far to go,
Friday's child is loving and giving,
Saturday's child works hard for a living,
But the child who is born on the Sabbath Day
Is bonny and blithe and good and gay.

my tree...

so yesterday I found out that my birth tree is the...

Walnut Tree, the Passion

somehow this ties in with being...

unrelenting, strange and full of contrasts, often egoistic, aggressive, noble, broad horizon, unexpected reactions, spontaneous, unlimited ambition, no flexibility, difficult and uncommon partner, not always liked but often admired, ingenious strategist, very jealous and passionate, no compromises.

oddly enough, most of this is probably true though not all easy to admit. the egoistic thing is a problem which ties in with neurosis (neurosis is a psychiatric term that refers to a class of functional mental disorder involving distress but not delusions or hallucinations, where behavior is not outside socially acceptable norms.) i love this definition. i don't like to think that i have a mental disorder, but at least i'm functional and not outside socially acceptable norms =) anyway being neurotic means i have anxiety and phobias, but the interesting thing is that that all comes from thinking about myself too much or being egoistic-which is what i'm doing right now, right.

so i recently heard a quote - "Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom." ~Aristotle i don't believe this. i believe that knowing God is the beginning of all wisdom, but knowing yourself might be next. when i saw this quote, my first thought was, well then there's no hope for me, because i don't think i'll ever understand myself or any other person for that matter. people are complicated and i'm one of them. honestly even though i focus on my own feelings and opinions i haven't taken time to look at myself objectively. i think this could be a good thing. i can be my own psychiatrist. wait-is that a good idea?

one thing that's true about me is that i love to laugh at myself. i know i'm a mess and i love it when my husband teases me, because it makes light of it i guess. plus, i guess it feels good to know that even though he knows all these things about me he still loves me and can laugh about them too.

ok this is getting way out of hand. this is probably my longest blog ever and it's all about me.

flower child...

It has recently been brought to my attention that I am a weedy neurotic mess. Is there any hope for such a case? Please someone pull the weeds out of my heart and water my brain.

making a way...

You know what takes so long about blogging...pictures, but they're my favorite part, and grammar- that's my other favorite part. My grammar may not be great, but it has to make sense to me, which means lots of proof reading and tweaking. My sister-in-law blogs for about 5 minutes every day. Me- if I blog it takes about an hour, and I don't have an hour to spare. So, I almost want to give it up, but I won't. I just need to type faster. =) This week we're doing a little unschooling. For us that means from 9-5 we'll be focused on learning, but not doing our usual SCHEDULE. I purposely made that word look big and dark and scary, because that's how I feel about schedules. I will not be intimidated by them. I don't need a routine. What I need is to be led by my heart.

for the chicken lady...

because you're so special =)

someone to play with...

Are moms allowed to get bored? I have 5 million things that I need to be doing and I'm sitting in complete denial, bored out of my mind. I just want to play hooky and get out and enjoy some sunshine, but there's none to be had. If only I had someone to play with and a place to play. I think I'm going to load the kids in the car in the rain and go get some ice cream.

little beauties...

I love Easter eggs! They are always so beautiful! I'm not big on bright colors, but we dye brown eggs, so they come out in earth tones. They seriously are amazing. Has anyone ever been so fascinated by something so simple?! This year we tried using melted wax on the eggs and I gave away my prettiest egg without taking a picture first. =( Also, we hollowed out the eggs this year. We don't usually do that. It was a nasty job! But now I think we will use the little containers to plant seeds in. That way we can enjoy them a little longer and finally give them a proper burial.

first game...

Daniel had his first soccer game today and I was super camera happy! Unfortunately I had the camera on a wrong setting or something, because there were only a few pictures that really turned out. Anyway, he looked so cute in his soccer uniform. (He probably wouldn't like to hear me say that.) This was his first time playing on a team and he missed the first practice this week because he was sick, so he was sort of thrown into the game. Towards the end, he was doing great though, and he even blocked the other teams final goal. His coach told him if it hadn't been for that, they would have tied, so Daniel was happy to hear that. I was really proud of the way he jumped right in and eagerly obeyed all the directions being yelled to him from the sidelines. You were awesome, Daniel! Love you!

in the woods...

Ever notice how slowly time passes when you're

in the woods?

silly monkey...

Sometimes I feel a little insecure because I have a tendency to change my mind about things. I'm not very graceful, in that it often takes all sorts of contortions for me to get something the way I want it. But I recently had a revelation. I realized that in nature I find beauty in things that curl and twist and turn in on themselves. Gnarled trees and spiraling fiddlehead ferns, wild vines that coil in and out and through and take every imaginable turn, sometimes winding themselves into knots, I find these things compelling. So next time I become entangled, I hope I can remember this and appreciate the intricacies of me.

little visitor...

This is so cute... Yesterday I told the kids that I had good news and bad news. I told the good news, which was that Grandma & Grandpa's dog, Missy, is going to come stay with us for a week. Then I told the bad news, which was that they will have to take Missy for a walk everyday and pick up her poop. =) Those are my conditions. =) So back to the point, which is that Emmeli heard the whole thing and apparently liked the news so much that she needed to hear it a second time. She jumped on my lap and said, "Tell me the good news again." So I told her again. Then she said, "And what's the other good news." Since there was no other good news, I assumed that what she meant was, "And what's the bad news." So I started to tell her, "The bad news is...." And she stopped me. "No. Just tell me the good news."

sunlight...

warmth and encouragement after the rain

spring rain...

drenched in thoughts of water and earth

extra credit...

This morning when Emmeli and I were having class together, Emmeli answered a bonus question and got "extra credit." Sometime after class, she came to me in the kitchen all happy and said, "I got credit."
I said something like, "I know, you did a good job."
After a short pause she said, "I don't even know what credit is."
So I told her, "It's like getting points. You're a winner!" (I knew where this was going. I assumed that she wanted a prize of some sort and I was trying to teach her to let the achievement be it's own reward.)
Of course next she said, "But it means I get like a prize or something."
I said, "Yep, you get fifteen kisses." (She had 15 pts. extra credit.)
She said, "I mean like a 'credit' card." (She looked at me expectantly.) I couldn't help but laugh because she was so serious. Apparently she thought the extra credit would be on the card.
I asked her, "What do you want to do with a credit card?" (She didn't like that I was still laughing.)
She said, "Spend it on something."

Of course. How silly of me. =)

so...so...happy...

I have some serious blood sugar issues!!! About 5 min. ago I had a free minute and wanted to put something new on my blog, but I seriously could not think of anything nice to say. I considered posting a picture and nothing else. Then, I ate some nachos and now I feel so happy... so... so... happy. Sometimes I scare myself. I feel like a loony.

Note to self: always eat before blogging.

roly poly pudding...

For some time now, Snow, Daniel, & Hannah have been taking turns teaching Emmeli everyday. It's really fun to see the lesson plans that they come up with. Yesterday, Daniel read the story "The Tale of Samuel Whiskers or The Roly Poly-Pudding" by Beatrix Potter. After reading the story, he took a comforter off of one of the beds and a rolling pin from the kitchen and rolled Emmeli up the same way that Samuel whiskers and his wife rolled up the little kitten in the story. That was so fun for little Emmeli. I probably would not have done that, especially since the beds had just been made, but I'm so glad that I'm surrounded by little people who know how to have fun.

green glorious green...

HAPPY ST. PATRICK'S DAY!

(Be green & Be happy)

missing you...

Sorry I've been neglecting you my little friend. I haven't forgotten about you. I've just been working on something. I'll be back.

quick thinking...

I had a great night out with Emmeli last night. I think something got mixed up with our date night schedule, because it seems like not too long ago that I was out with Emmeli. Anyway, we went to REI briefly, to exchange something, then got dinner at Bagger Dave's, picked up some popsicles at Whole Foods, and came home to play Little Big Planet. Emmeli liked the music at dinner and was dancing in her seat at the restaurant. When I gave her a look like "O.k. time to stop now," she said, "It's the music that's doing it." =) Emmeli ordered a grilled peanut butter, banana, & honey sandwich with cinnamon. After that, we played I spy in the car on the way home and Emmeli kept cheating!!! She kept changing objects if I would guess the thing she spied. =) It was too funny. After several times doing this, I called her to order and she said she was sorry, that she had forgotten the rules of how to play, because she had been playing too many video games. She said we should hide Little Big Planet because everybody likes it too much. That was pretty tricky the way she fibbed and confessed and changed the subject all at the same time. I was so confused. Soon after that, we arrived at home and snuggled on the couch while playing video games 'til ten.

wait!!!

Wait a minute! I DON'T HAVE A FIVE YEAR OLD!!!!! What is the deal?! I hate it when I do that! Emmeli still won't be five for another month, so I STILL have a FOUR year old! In my mind she's probably been five for several months now. I don't know why I want to do that. STOP IT!

homeschooling...

I'm so happy that I homeschool my children. This morning, I was teaching my 5 year old the "Months of the Year" song as she was riding on my back and I realized how lucky I am to have my kids at home with me. I love learning and I'm so glad I get to learn new things every day with my very favorite people.

oh happy day...

So, I think my fast has been a complete failure! I thought if I starved myself that I would be thrilled to eat anything at all and wouldn't mind doing without certain things that I'm trying to remove from my diet, such as refined flour. But that's not the case at all. Being hungry all the time makes me want to throw caution to the wind and eat everything in sight. Last night I was almost salivating as I drove past McDonalds of all places! I've decided to cut my 5 day fast down to a 4 day fast, and I've been dreaming up what I'm going to have for breakfast for about 2 hours now. I'm actually looking forward to getting up early! Too bad there's no whole wheat anything in the house! That's o.k., I'll eat hash browns instead. Makes sense doesn't it?

soil...

Last week when the snow was melting Hannah said, "Oh...the soil is coming back!"

Ughhh...

Not sure if I'll be blogging this week. I'm doing a five day fast to try to break some bad eating habits and I plan on being pretty grumpy. So, I'll see you later.

dork...

Yes, I'm sitting in Starbucks with my laptop sipping steamed horizon chocolate milk. I'm watching out the big windows as the light feathery snow falls down like a heavy mist. I feel kind of strange yet comfortable at the same time. I'm sitting on a leather sofa in a beautiful old building with tiled ceilings and wood floors. At first I liked the music, it was from the 50's I think, not sure. But now the music keeps jumping around from awful to barely bearable. There was something about this whole thing that seemed a bit silly to me, but Hannah is taking a class at the art center only a couple of doors down and it's way to cold to walk around. So here I am, and now I'm leaving.

motivation...

I feel like I'm gearing up for something. I don't know what it is, but it's gonna be great! I can feel it.